Without Awareness, The Behavior Of Selecting Parents' Love Can Have A Bad Impact On Children's Development

Illustration of favoritism ((Pexels/Jep Gambardella)

JAKARTA - The favoritism behavior that parents apply to their children is sometimes a thing that is rarely realized. In fact, this kind of behavior can have a bad impact on children's development.

This was at least said by clinical psychologist for children and families, Anna Surti Ariani, S.Psi., M.Psi. He said that the impact could be long-term.

"As a result of various reasons, one of which can make children feel less confident," said Nina, her nickname as quoted by Antara.

"Over time, this pattern of favoritism can also affect children's development. For example, there is one child who tends to excel more than his brother," added Nina, who also practices at the Institute of Applied Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, University of Indonesia.

Currently, not a few parents are doing favorites to their children. For example, parents may pay more attention to children who look more vulnerable than other siblings because they feel the child needs additional support.

There are also parents who feel more comfortable with one of the children, so they unconsciously pay more attention to the child.

In addition, parents who are not fully ready to have children are sometimes unconsciously more focused on newborns, so that other children can feel neglected.

If parents continue to pay more attention to one child, other children can feel less loved or neglected.

Nina emphasized that giving love to children does not mean dividing attention evenly to each child, but rather adjusts attention according to each other's needs.

"However, this must be adjusted to their needs and we need to listen to input, both from children themselves and people who know us," said the psychologist who graduated from the University of Indonesia.

To avoid this, parents need to do introspection if they feel they are treating their children unfairly.

After the reflection, parents can talk to each child privately to listen to their feelings and find solutions to improve their relationship.

"Take time to talk one by one with children. For example, when you are with your second child, talk seriously," he said.

If you have to pay more attention to one of the children because of certain situations, such as special health needs, parents still need to try to make sure other children also get attention.

Nina suggested that parents involve other family members, such as grandmothers or grandfathers, in helping with parenting.

"If there are children who need therapy, for example, we can ask for help from those closest to them in turn," Nina suggested.

To build a more harmonious relationship, parents can also pay attention to the unique strengths and character of each child, and appreciate it.

"Try to find the uniqueness and strengths of each child, then tell them about it," said Nina.

"Don't just show their shortcomings, so that children can understand their strengths, not just their shortcomings," he concluded.