Exclusive, Ayuenstar Turns Emotional Problems Into Artwork

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

JAKARTA - Almost two years missing, Ayuenstar is back with a new single titled Manusia Putus Asa that will be released in early 2023. This song is the third single she released. Previously, the singer with full name Ayu Putri Sundari had released singles titled Swagger (13 November 2020) and Heart Is Dying (20 April 2021).

Similar to the two previous singles, the girl who is familiarly called Ayu is back to composing and writing her own new song. What is contained in the lyrics of the song Manusia Putus Asa is an expression of what she himself has been through.

It only took 30 minutes to make the song Manusia Putus Asa, Ayu said the song was made at a time when she was sad, after she learned that her parents had officially divorced.

“At that time I felt sad, but as a child, I couldn't say anything. So, at that time I immediately opened my cellphone, picked up the guitar, wrote the song and suddenly it just happened," Ayu said when visiting VOI some time ago.

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

Looking at the lyrics of Manusia Putus Asa, it is very clear how much Ayu's heart has poured out over her parents' divorce. Not only that, in the song, Ayu also inserts her disappointment with someone she once liked.

"From my parents' divorce, there was one person I really wanted to tell him about, but it didn't live up to expectations," she said.

"He didn't respond to me well, that's why in the chorus there are the words "Dihancurkan oleh cinta, dipatahkan keluarga". So the thing about his love, when I was down, he couldn't listen to my complaints at that time," she continued.

Even though it is made up of her unique personal story, Ayu is happy when she knows listeners can relate to her songs. Ayu told how she received many messages and comments from listeners who felt their feelings were represented by the song Manusia Putus Asa.

Unlike the other two singles that use English, Ayu also has her own reasons for making song lyrics in Indonesian. She wanted the outpouring of her heart to be well expressed, and the message of the song conveyed clearly.

Through this song, Ayu also has a separate message for her parents. "Maybe one of the hidden messages, as a child, you want your voice to be heard," she said.

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

"So I don't have interactions like deep talk with my parents, there's never been deep talk in my family. So, with this song, I want my parents to hear that with family conditions like what I experienced, children get hurt," she continued.

Until now, Ayu admits that she often cries when she hears the song she wrote again. The moment when she found out her parents were divorced is still very fresh in her mind.

Turning Emotional Problems Into Artwork 

Unlike the two previous singles, Ayu admits that there is a different kind of burden when performing the song Manusia Putus Asa. “For the hardest part maybe it's Manusia Putus Asa, for other songs, most of them are upbeat, so I can balance it with my style when singing. But for Manusia Putus Asa, I sigh more," she said.

In the process of making the song, Ayu admitted that she never told her brothers and sisters. Even though she knows that the lyrics of the song are quite "frontal" about her family's problems, Ayu prefers to hide the song until it is finally released.

Ayu told how her younger sister questioned her decision to release the song Manusia Putus Asa at first. Even so, her siblings still cried when they learned about Ayu's outpouring her heart to the lyrics.

"I don't have any other story to release a song like this. Until my sister and brother cried when I first heard the song. Maybe it's because we are brothers and sisters with the same mind and frequency," she said.

Ayu is grateful that she has the ability to compose songs. With that, she can produce a masterpiece through her sadness. "I feel grateful when I'm sad I can pour it out into songs, not on social media or shouting everywhere," she said.

“Even though I'm not the type of person who vents, but in every moment that I feel I can spill it into my work. I also had time to think, it turns out that my sadness can be a work and can be heard by people," she continued.

Still feeling deep sadness to this day, Ayu tries to see the meaning of everything that has happened to her. She still tries to live what has been destined for her. Trying to think positively, Ayu believes there is another, far more beautiful purpose from God prepared for her.

“No matter how sad and broken my world is, I still have to get through and live it all. I think we will never know God's intention of giving me things that make me sick, maybe in the future there will be more beautiful things that God has prepared for me," said Ayu.

By telling about her sadness through song, Ayu also doesn't expect pity from other people. On the contrary, she wanted to show that from a person's weakness will emerge strength when trying to accept it sincerely.

“I want to show that being weak doesn't make people weak too. By accepting one's own weaknesses, it becomes one of the factors that can make people more mature and wiser. In my opinion, people who can accept their strengths and weaknesses are on the way to be successful, because they can be at peace with themselves," she said.

Music As Emotional Expression

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

Referring to the theory of the function of music put forward by Alan P. Merriam in the monumental Anthropology of Music (1964), what Ayu does shows how music functions as an emotional expression.

There are several things from Ayu that show music functions broadly and at a number of levels as a means of emotional expression. Through Ayuenstar, music seems to be clearly involved with emotions and becomes a means for expression.

Ayu has been learning to compose songs since she was a teenager. Trying several songwriting methods, Ayu feels more comfortable when she composes and sings songs that she personally feels.

“I used to think that I couldn't make songs. It turned out that with time, when I followed my heart, it turned out that I could. If you make it like imagining or from a friend's story, I can't. So I really have to feel it," she said.

More specifically, Ayu admits that she has to be at the right moment when creating a work. "And honestly I can't write a song when I'm not there in that moment. I always make songs when I'm in one moment myself," she continued.

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

Ayu, who became known to the public through her participation in the Indonesian Idol Season 9 event in 2017, also admitted that she had been offered by several record labels to join. However, she refused and preferred to work on her work as much as possible herself.

Ayu reasoned that she wanted to be known as a singer who had gone through a long and painful process to get to the top. She wants to feel the struggle from the bottom with the people who have supported her all this time.

Still, with the belief to create and sing her own songs, Ayu hopes to realize her wish to release an album this year.

"On this album, I still follow my heart, I still make songs according to what my heart wants. Because I can't make music if it's fake and I don't use my heart. So all the songs I created are real with my heart and I have experienced them," she said.

Ayuenstar (Photo: Savic Rabos, DI: Raga/VOI)

She felt sure that this way could fulfill the desire she had dreamed of since the beginning of her career. "What makes me optimistic about releasing an album is because I work with my heart, it will definitely reach the hearts of those who listen to it," she said.

Moreover, Ayu feels that there are many people who support her to continue working. Not only those closest to her, but Ayu is also more optimistic when she knows that her songs can also be enjoyed by listeners, not a few even feel connected to the outpouring of her heart that she pours out.

"It's very clear, anyone who can support, especially at a point where it's not doing well, must be happy, getting stronger and more enthusiastic too. Apparently, there are also many who are waiting for and supporting me. So I'm more grateful and more enthusiastic than before," she said.

Even though the future is uncertain and offers many possibilities, Ayu stated that she would try to stick to the path she chose as a singer. She hopes to become a better singer with songs that bear witness to all the processes she has been through.

“I want my songs to be relatable to everyone who hears them, to be able to represent the feelings of those who can't confide in people. I want all of that to be shed through my songs," she concluded.