Past Trauma Is The Reason That Affects Child Parenting

Illustration (Gustavo Fring/Pexels)

JAKARTA - The pattern of parenting in children is influenced by various life factors, one of which is the husband and wife relationship in the past, even when they were young.

Psychologist and marriage counselor Dr. Adriana Soekandar Ginanjar, M.Sc., said that not all parents apply a parenting pattern that is good enough for their child's growth and development at home, such as parenting with violence, both verbal and non-verbal and there are many conflicts between parents in front of the child.

"Often this is not realized can cause the deepest anxiety and trauma for the child," said Dr. Adriana as quoted from ANTARA, Friday, July 22.

Dr. Adriana explained that there are several types of trauma experienced by humans, especially when they are married. These traumas must be recognized early so that in the future parents can process the trauma into a good form of emotion.

"When you can process emotions, of course it will have a better impact on those around you or your closest family," said Dr. Adriana.

There are at least three types of trauma in the household, namely acute trauma, chronic trauma and complex trauma. Acute trauma occurs once but intensely. Such as divorce, natural disasters, sexual abuse that occurred in the past or childhood.

Chronic trauma occurs repeatedly over a long period of time such as getting violence from parents or people around, bullying, seeing parental violence and conflict.

While complex trauma is a diverse event consisting of different traumatic events. If not repaired, this trauma in the past can continue to haunt the daily lives of parents and can even have an impact on the parenting pattern of today's children.

"Of course we as parents do not want the same thing or bad things to happen to our children," said Dr. Adriana.

In addition, there are several other factors that are also able to make children vulnerable to trauma in life, such as the nature of children who are too closed, parents who do not understand their children, and parents who often feel they know the most or are the most correct.

What can be done by parents so that children avoid household trauma is to get to know children better, be open with children so they can communicate with parents, respect children by respecting decisions and not demanding too often.

Also teach children to be able to speak up and have an opinion in every condition starting from the small things that are found in everyday life. Parents must also act as detectives or continue to find out what the child really needs.

"Mindful parenting is to digest and learn their emotions so that they can produce good behavior for the family," said Dr. Adriana.

Meanwhile, dr. Mesty Ariotedjo, Sp.A, a pediatrician who is also the founder of About Children, said that it is important for parents to be able to identify themselves and their partners first before helping their children's needs.

"There is no harm in consulting with experts so that they can get input for any problems found," said Dr. Mesty