Recognizing the Positive and Negative Impacts of Commando Parenting Patterns for Children

Illustration of parenting with a commando pattern or command (Freepik)

YOGYAKARTA - Command parenting, or commando, is a type of parenting that meets the basic needs of children but does not provide facilities, treats, or even luxuries. This is done with the aim of forming the child's ability to adapt to all conditions that occur in the future.

An extreme version of command parenting, parents create situations where a child has only the basics to survive because of bad behavior. For example, when a child forgets to put dirty clothes in their place, parents give rules that they cannot wear all of their favorite clothes. Another example of command parenting is cutting off access to devices after children access them for too long and affect their academic grades.

The command parenting approach, launching Psychology Today, Sunday, February 26, has an 'all or nothing' principle that uses 'rough' rules and is not open to negotiation. On a positive note, children can be more 'down to earth' with this parenting style. Moreover, they also work hard following the rules to get their wishes back one by one.

Illustration of parenting with a commando or command pattern (Freepik)

In a less extreme version, command parenting means making sure that your child knows that "no means no." This may include setting rigid boundaries and boundaries that you are willing to maintain regardless of how much a child begs or throws tantrums. No amount of whining or coaxing from the child will prevent the parent from removing the child from the situation or removing the situation from the child.

Command parenting also connotes coldness and a lack of empathy for others. This is the opposite of the affection that parents want to convey to their children. While out-of-bounds behavior should never be tolerated, parents should continue to communicate their unconditional love for their children with warm feelings.

Even though it has clear boundaries and consequences for bad behavior, it is important to understand it to children. But command parenting implies violence and a refusal to cooperate with a child who is behaving badly.

The benefits of commando parenting may seem positive to prevent children from engaging in bad behavior. But parenting this way is pointless and can destroy parents. But when children misbehave, try to communicate how to deal with it. Open dialogue space with children so that they express their thoughts, feelings and opinions about various things. Treat them with respect and if they make a mistake, give them a chance to learn how to fix it.

By not practicing command parenting, children tend to develop into adults who are emotionally strong, independent, and have good social skills. Children who grow up in homes ruled by authoritarian, command-style parents are unlikely to have the same social skills as their counterparts from authoritarian homes. They grow up in situations where communication is usually one-sided and parents down, and they tend to pay less attention to their own needs as children.