The Emergence Of Feelings Of Fear Of Being Ignored, Apparently Related To Past Relationships

Illustration of fear of being ignored (Unsplash/Arif Riyanto)

JAKARTA – Anxiety is quite disturbing. Especially when it comes to feelings of fear of being neglected, abandoned, and alone. According to experts, this feeling does not arise without origin.

According to Darlene Lancer, JD., LMFT., a licensed marriage and family therapist, neglect isn't just physical neglect. Loss of physical closeness due to death, separation, divorce, and illness is also emotional neglect.

Lancer wrote as reported by Psychology Today, Thursday, October 14, feelings of abandonment arise when our needs in relationships are not met, including the needs in our relationship with ourselves. Emotional needs include the need for love, friendship, affection, being heard and understood, valued, respected, and facilitated.

To get those emotional needs, we don't just need to know who can provide them. But, continued Lancer, we must respect them and establish a routine to build emotional intimacy.

Lack of fulfillment of emotional needs can be experienced when there is major conflict, abuse, and infidelity. Lancer explains that the reason people feel neglected has to do with their childhood experiences. They may imitate a relationship with one or both of their parents.

Joyce Catlett, co-author of Compassionate Child Rearing, says that people who often feel afraid of being neglected rely heavily on their partner to validate their self-esteem. Because he grew up in an insecure relationship with his parents, he was more sensitive to rejection.

“They anticipate rejection or abandonment and look for signs that their partner is losing interest,” says Catlett.

Catlett describes how some people are afraid of being left behind. They behave in a punitive, irritated, and angry way when their partner doesn't give them the attention and reassurance they need to feel safe.

"They often believe that if they don't express their anxiety and anger in a dramatic way, it's less likely that others will respond to them," continued Catlett.

Some cases happen the other way around, someone with a fear of being left behind will keep those feelings. Until it accumulates and vents stronger emotions. Both behavioral descriptions are triggered based on events from their past. So, suggests Catlett, resolving emotions is key to feeling stronger within themselves and building healthier relationships.

In line with Catlett, Lancer suggests a way to break the cycle of fear of being ignored by starting to love ourselves in all things.