Problematic! Couples Often Hide Anger, Understand The Reason According To Experts

Illustration of hiding anger (Pexels/Pixabay)

JAKARTA – Emotions including anger need to be controlled so they don't explode or become destructive. Various ways to control it, according to psychologists, for example by undergoing the steps directed by the therapist.

But what if emotions are suppressed, hidden, or not expressed? From a review by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., reported by Psychology Today, Monday, September 13, according to Freud, anger is a defense mechanism to protect oneself from anxiety when one's ego is under siege.

On the one hand, anger is seen as a complementary psychological function. What's more, it protects other, far more depressing emotions. In Seltzer's clinical tracing, anger is almost never the primary emotion.

Even when anger spontaneously explodes, there are always other feelings that make it arise. These other feelings are ridden by anger to be released or controlled. Seltzer gave an example when driving on the highway, without any sign of the car in front cutting the road and spontaneously we curse and even get angry.

When explored further, Seltzer found anger is a camouflage of the emotion of fear of experiencing harm.

According to the illustration above, Seltzer said, a large number of internal dynamics of anger when realized can be masked, extinguished, and even replaced with secondary anger. But this actually marks the vulnerability of the self.

This means that anger as a self-defense as a neurochemical that is able to calm down. However, what becomes problematic is how to release or release anger without being destructive.

Seltzer found that angry people who had been his clients had self-image deficits. Many are successful in their careers, but are weak in love because anger is the trigger for disharmony.

Research conducted by Steven Stosny in 2015 in Treating Attachment Abuse, also found the good hormone, norepinephrine, which the brain releases when angry. Seltzer himself ultimately saw anger as a double-edged sword. One side ruins the relationship but it's important to let go.

Seltzer's advice, calming down when threatened is most relevant if done. This means that if your partner hides his anger, give him time to calm down.

Furthermore, if a person is psychologically healthy, he recognizes his ability to validate himself. For example, by acknowledging what is lacking so that guilt, shame, and frustration do not have two faces into destructive anger.