YOGYAKARTA Communicate without exploding and making effective sentences, it turns out to be more conflict-solving. Even because of misunderstandings in communication, couples often fight. In fact, there is an effective communication strategy in relationships without using high intonation. The following strategy is according to psychologist Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D.

It's not driving into fear or what you don't want, because it makes your partner feel attacked. Focus on what your partner wants to do. Or say what can meet your needs to get closer to your partner.

Most people don't like to be studied or taught how to get better. Many people also don't like being heavily criticized so that their behavior is changed. So it is necessary to be patient, provide an understanding that certain behaviors must be changed. For example, to feel both safe, more solid in carrying out roles, or more affection.

Many moments can trigger a partner's emotions. Communicating when emotional, will not be demanding and regular. It will only explode, full of sadness, playing victim, or blame one of the paired people. So it's important to regulate emotions first before communicating important things with your partner. It's important to note, when talking about important things, use my me'' statement, don't use your you point of view because it will seem criticizing or judging. Make every statement with empathy, wait for your partner to provide feedback, so communication runs equally or two-way.

Actually communicating needs to be based on good intentions, although it is necessary to remain careful choosing words so as not to lead to negative prejudice. It is also important not to hurt each other. If you are angry, calm yourself down first. Slow your breath and speed of speech.

When your partner has a problem, the temptation is to install 'improve' mode even though your partner has tried to solve his own problems. It doesn't matter if your partner tries to solve his own problems. Hold on to install the body with mode on take over fixing it. In this situation, it's important that you find out what your partner needs. Make it remain calm, if in need. Give space for empathy, if he is thin in patience. Bring emotional support so that your partner feels not alone.

Everyone makes mistakes, but the flow is different when in a couple relationship. When something goes wrong or in difficult times, try not to blame yourself or your partner. It's better to focus both on solving the problem. That is, you and your partner can both be supportive free from negative attitudes.

The above is an effective communication strategy without exploding. You and your partner can run together, without defensive attitude, remain supportive, and ensure responses as needed.


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