To Support Each Other, These 6 Types Of Validation Need To Be Owned In Coupled Relationships

Illustration of validation to support each other in pairwise relationships (Freepik/stockking)

YOGYAKARTA Validation is to listen to and pay attention to your partner as a disclosure of support. As loved ones, providing support does not mean assessing or building an agreement. However, there is a level of validation that needs to be possessed in a pairwise relationship. This level of validation is categorized in six types, including the following.

The presence of 100 percent is the level of validation in the first couple relationship. Maybe you are uncomfortable when responding to your partner expressing your emotions. Whether it's happiness, sadness, or love, someone needs to be 'present' when intense emotions are expressed by your partner. This presence is a commensurate effort to support the person you love.

Reflect accurately on what your partner thinks and feels, done by revealing what you've heard. This accurate reflection sounds like, 'I know you're anxious to finish the task this time.'

The key to reflecting accurately is not repeating the words of your loved ones. Instead of satirizing or criticizing, it is better to support whatever steps your partner takes.

Many people are not sensitive to their feelings. There are many reasons for this, including because of the environment where they are told that they don't have the true feelings. For example, 'Good standards don't get angry' or 'Men shouldn't cry.'

In a couple relationship, everyone needs to understand each other's feelings. Your loved ones may not express their sadness or anxiety. But as a partner, you need to recognize your partner's behavior and feelings. That way, you validate your experience and support how they manage the problem.

If someone had a negative experience in the past, maybe they would react badly to the same experience in the future. For example, if a loved one was bitten and stabbed by a cat as a child, he might not want to be around a cat right now. Validation at this level, for example, says 'Given your experience of being bitten or stabbed by a cat, I know why you are reluctant to go to a place where there are three cats in his house.'

In general reactions, job interviews can be a worrying situation. So as a loved one, you need to validate your partner's emotional reactions according to the general reaction. For example with the phrase Of course, you are worried about job interviews, everyone has felt it at this important moment. But the advice of licensed therapists, Kate Theida, MS., LPCA., NCC., reported by Psychology Today, Monday, July 24, don't say 'You'll be fine' because you can negate previous validation statements.

Expressing validation sincerely

Considering a empowered partner is important. It forms a behavior that does not demean or shrink. In addition to the five types of validation that need to be possessed in the above pairwise relationship, you also need to express validation sincerely. That way, you and your partner can both express their support and belief that everyone can solve their own problems.