YOGYAKARTA A perfectionist has high standards. They usually want to please others for fear of not meeting standards. Sometimes, there are erroneous assumptions about a perfectionist personality. First, it is considered as someone who seeks excellence. But in many cases, perfectionists lead to self-criticism, stress, and mental health problems as well as physical health. For this reason, as parents need to develop parenting that does not form perfectionist behavior in their children. So, avoid parenting that causes children to grow up as a perfectionist below.
Parents who demand, respect achievements as external success, such as rewards, value, money, titles, and care too much about what others think. Parents who carry out this parenting, see children as an extension of themselves.
Demanded parents tend to tell their children to do what their parents want. Not open to what they want, need, or feel. Parents also often use emotional'six', such as cursing, shouting, labeling children, and physical discipline.
This emotional exercise is felt to teach their children that failure and ignorance are unacceptable. In fact, parenting is such that can erode the self-esteem of a child. Children never fulfill their parents' expectations, feel ashamed, fail, and can't afford it. When raised with demanding parenting, they learn that love is conditional and perfection is a way of getting love.
Children imitate their parents, so if a perfectionist's parents can encourage their children to behave the same way. Perfectionism is encouraged when children are excessively praised for their achievements rather than their efforts or progress. Licensed psychotherapist advice specifically for handling perfectionism, Sharon Martin, LSCW. reported by PsychCentral, Tuesday, August 1, perfectionist parents only focus on what children achieve, not on the process and personal of their children.
Many parents are easily distracted so that they are not in line with what their children need. Usually, these parents mean well but don't realize that what they do forms a child's behavior.
Parents who are often distracted can be parents who work 80 hours a week and are not physically or emotionally available to their children. Parents who are so busy, ignore the child's emotional needs. By growing up to be a perfectionist, children will get the attention of their parents.
Parents who are overwhelmed do not have effective skills in overcoming the challenges of life and the needs of their children. Some parents with this parenting, usually experience trauma, mental illness, addiction, or cognitive impairment. It could also be because parents are too stressed so they don't provide a safe environment and care for it with full warmth for their children.
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In raising children, consistency is needed. Because parents are overwhelmed, children are not educated with full responsibility. For children, parenting is also confusing. So being a perfectionist is the opinion of children to solve family problems.
In the four parenting patterns above, each has a different character. But all of them are not able to pay attention, understand, and appreciate the feelings of their children so that they become perfectionists.
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