6 Reasons Why You Are Often Lonely And Feel Alone Even Though You Have A Partner

Illustration (Polina Sirotina/Pexels)

JAKARTA - There is a slight difference between feeling alone and lonely in a relationship. According to marriage and family therapist Joy Berkheimer, PhD, loneliness is more about feeling invisible and cut off with your partner, while being alone is a feeling that you feel in the team but move on your own.

These two feelings can erode relationships slowly. Here are six reasons why a person feels lonely in a relationship reported by Well and Good, Tuesday, July 18.

If you and your partner have a busy working schedule, it will be difficult to set aside special dating times and have a relationship to strengthen ties.

"If your partner or you are too busy and don't prioritize relationships, it also provides time for each other, then you can live a parallel life," said partner therapist Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT.

Due to the busyness of making quality time go too fast, you find yourself spending a lot of time alone. The more you and your partner reduce time together, the less and yourself are reluctant to get out of the relationship.

Another reason you feel yourself in a relationship is when your partner doesn't seem to care, doesn't support it enough, or doesn't make an active effort to help you achieve your life goals.

"This happens when you feel you have to pursue life or do the most important thing for you alone," says Dr. Berkheimer.

For example, maybe your goal is to become an illustrator so you need special time to exchange ideas with your partner. If, after expressing this desire to your partner and he looks less supportive or indifferent to your goals. No wonder you feel alone, especially if this case often occurs.

In addition to having individual goals, people who are bound in a committed relationship will set common goals such as getting married, buying a house, having children, or traveling the world. But if you feel fully responsible for achieving one or more of those goals, you can feel alone or lonely in a relationship, says Dr. Berkheimer.

A shared value is part of the foundation of a healthy relationship that allows you and your partner to feel that they are part of a cohesive team. If, over time, you find that your values are not in line with your partner as thought. Or maybe your core values or your partner changes, you will feel as if they were not in the same wave.

Some differences, for example, in hobbies or interests are actually good things and can help you develop. However, if core values such as trust or parenting patterns are very different and change over time, you may start to question the feasibility of your relationship.

Feelings of decoupling occur when you and your partner start minimizing communication and physical contact. If it happens, it's important to find out why you fall into this pattern. Whether it's due to anxiety or discrepancy in how to express feelings or something else. Because according to Panganian, when people stop trying to reconnect or engage in relationships, that's when loneliness appears.

If the reality of your daily life is very different from your partner, it's likely that he can't understand how you live your life, says Dr. Berkheimer. And it can make you feel very lonely. For example, if you work as a doctor and want to share about the things you've experienced. But couples who work as architects can't understand the reality of life you live. then there can lose connections.