5 Reasons Why Someone Feels The Need To Control Everything, You Included?

Illustration of the reason why you need to control everything (Freepic/wayhomestudio)

YOGYAKARTA – Controlling a number of aspects of life, seems a positive thing. In many cases control is necessary. But for some people, feeling the need to control everything can be seen as draining. Some people who control everything are also considered perfectionists. They set very high standards for themselves, even others.

According to experts, the desire for control stems from a fear of uncertainty. Sometimes it is also associated with mental health conditions. If you are included, maybe you are a perfectionist. It may also be difficult to accept changes that don't go according to plan. The reason one needs to control everything and why one needs to feel safe and in control, is because of the following.

1. Experiencing a traumatic event

Everyone has different experiences. Responses to experiences or events that are experienced also differ, depending on the level of emotional maturity of a person. In other conditions, a person with a history of trauma is greatly impacted by how they respond to the experience.

Illustration of reasons why you need to control everything (Freepik/master1305)

Traumatic events are defined as incidents that cause significant physical, emotional, and psychological pain to a person. Launching PsychCentral, Friday, March 17, when someone lives with trauma, they may be trapped in cognitive distortions and tend to see the worst risks from any scenario. They are also very alert and try to control everything. On the positive side, this is a natural and adaptive response. However, excessive control can overwhelm a person's resources and impact quality of life.

2. Childhood experiences that shape

The environment one is raised in influences how one 'sees' the world. For example, growing up in an unstable family, it will be difficult to predict what will happen next and lead to controlling behavior as a coping mechanism. Another example that forms a person needs to control everything, could be because of the need to control interactions with other people to get certainty and validation.

Illustration of reasons why you need to control everything (Freepik/wayhomestudio)

3. Anxiety disorders

Research from 2020 shows that people living with anxiety disorders often find uncertainty difficult to tolerate. Uncertainty can mean more worry and intense contemplation. This person may need to calm down by controlling as much as possible to reduce the worry.

For example, if someone has social anxiety disorder, they need to plan out all the details of social interactions. With generalized anxiety disorder, you can anticipate possible triggers, which can also result in controlled behavior.

In addition, people with possessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may also have a strong need to control things in an effort to reduce anxiety and fear.

4. Personality disorders

An excessive need for control can sometimes be a symptom of certain personality disorders. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD), for example. They feel an intense fear of abandonment. This fear can lead a person to want to control your interactions and romantic partners in an effort to stop them from leaving you.

Some people living with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may also engage in controlling behaviors, such as using manipulation tactics to direct situations.

5. Control as a learned behavior

Controlling can be because it is learned from a young age. Sometimes as a need to control something. For example, having parents micromanage you or monitor everything you eat or do can lead you to repeat these patterns as an adult.

As explained above, control on one hand, well done. But when it affects relationships, self-image, and other aspects of life, it's important to be aware of it and seek the help of a mental health professional.