5 Things You Need To Explain To Children About Parental Divorce

Illustration of how to explain divorce to children (Unsplash/Jon Flobrant)

JAKARTA – Mental health during a child's growth period is the responsibility of parents. Even though parents choose to separate, there are things that need to be explained while ensuring the psychological health of the child.

Divorce is a tough decision, including facing a number of challenges afterward. Explaining divorce to children is also the most difficult thing. Reported by Survive Divorce, Friday, October 15, parental divorce will affect children's emotions at all ages.

How to convey divorce to children depends on several things, including how your relationship with them, the level of chaos at home, the age of the child, and your relationship with your partner. Although separation is very bitter, but parents need to take a moment to mourn and consider the good of their children.

So that emotional trauma does not occur, you and your partner need to make a strategy. Try to tell the condition together and give a guarantee will be with it. Planning the points that will be conveyed to children is very necessary. Some couples even ask for help from experts or psychologists to find out what and how to convey to their children.

Before conveying important things about your and your partner's separation, make sure the message is age-appropriate to avoid misunderstandings. If children are of various ages, prepare several in several formats. Finally, choose the right time and place and be prepared to answer the children's questions appropriately.

What are the things that need to be said to children about the separation of their parents? Here's the list.

1. The divorce that happened was not their fault

Some children may instinctively blame themselves for the failure of their parents' marriages. So don't let guilt grow by acknowledging the role you and your partner have taken to maintain the household even though they can't sail back in the end.

Illustration of how to explain to children about divorce (Unsplash/Jeff Miller)

2. Let them know that you and your partner love them

Parents need to express their love for their children. Children need to feel, see and hear that you love them.

3. Explain that you, your spouse, and your children are still one family

Giving an explanation of two different houses but still one family needs to be done. The roles of each may change, but blood relations will not shift. Explain this to your baby and make sure that mom and dad are still there with him.

4. Avoid explaining the detailed reasons for the divorce decision

Keep it clear but brief. Explain about the changes that may occur and this is the best choice you and your partner can make. Emphasize that the change is not easy but happiness will still be worked out together.

5. Give children the opportunity to ask questions

Separation may be foreign to you and your partner, even to your children. That is, give children the opportunity to ask questions at each stage. Questions from children may not be asked right away, but try to stay open and try to answer their questions wisely.

If children are under or around the age of five, chances are they don't understand much about the concept of divorce. They also have no idea what the future holds. When talking about divorce at this age, keep it simple and concrete. Tell them who will be moving and how often will they meet and be together.

At the age of 6-8 years, they have started to build a world outside of themselves, including relationships with school friends and the environment. This means that it is necessary to explain how divorce will affect how they relate to their parents.

Children aged 9-11 years have cognitive abilities and provide judgment. You and your partner must be wiser and recognize the child's situation. Maybe you can provide a reference about the breakup so you can process what you're going through and adapt.

Teenagers or 12-14 years old go through the puberty phase. You and your partner need to be more subtle in your separation and be careful with emotional outbursts from children.

Furthermore, children aged 15-18 years already have independence but perhaps hidden emotions need to be explored. Parents who are divorced and have independent children need to establish healthy communication so that they feel safe and emotionally balanced.

In children aged 18 and over, parents need to separate anger and anxiety so that the child does not feel burdened. Most importantly, find ways to spend quality time with them and show them that they are important to your life.