Does Intensive Care Help Or Burden Children?

Illustration (MART PRODUCTION/Pexels)

JAKARTA - In the era of social media and competition without stopping, many parents feel as if they are competing to be the most 'present' and 'involved' in their children's lives. A parenting style called intense parenting or intensive parenting is now a trend that is often considered a new standard in being a good parent. However, behind the noble intention to give the best, there is a dilemma: is overly intense engagement actually hindering children's growth and draining the emotional balance of parents?

Intensive parenting describes parenting patterns in which parents place children's needs and development as the center of almost all their life activities. They engage in every aspect, from education to association, with very high control and attention. This term was first introduced by sociologist Sharon Hays in 1996 through the concept of intensive mothering, launching the Parenting page, Monday, November 10, Over time, this term developed beyond gender and became a common parenting style that demands energy, time, and emotion in large levels.

This phenomenon arises due to various factors. The pressure of social media, for example, makes many parents feel they have to show the best version of their family to the world. On the other hand, changes in the economy and modern lifestyle make them want to make sure their children have all the opportunities they may not have in the past. For some part, this is also a form of 'correction' towards their childhood which may feel less attention. However, for many perfectionist or ambitious parents, this intensity turns into a burden, as if the success of their children is a measure of their personal success.

Unfortunately, this good intention can have the opposite effect. Children who grow up under parenting patterns who are too intense tend to feel that their parents' love and acceptance depends on their achievements. They lose an important opportunity to study independently, take risks, or fail without fear. Meanwhile, parents who continue to monitor and regulate their children's lives can experience emotional fatigue and lose their identity outside of their role as caregivers. The pressure to always be 'perfect' also often makes family relationships more tense than warm.

To avoid this trap, it is important for parents to find a balance between attendance and leniency. Children need to be given space to feel bored, experimenting, and solving their own problems. Instead of directing each step, parents can be a companion who gives trust and support when needed. Avoid comparisons with other families is also important, because each household has different rhythms and needs. And no less important, parents need to learn to take care of themselves, because the child's welfare relies heavily on the emotional balance of their parents.

In the end, raising children is not about being the perfect one, but about being present enough without losing yourself. Intensive parenting may be born from love, but true love also means giving space to grow, fail, and find a way of yourself. By slowing down and giving space to breathe for yourself and children, parents not only raise tough children, but also build warmer, more humane, and happy families.