5 Things To Consider When Dating Widows Or Widows

Illustration of things to consider when dating a widow or widower (Freepik/HelloDavidPradoPerucha)

YOGYAKARTA Dating someone who has separated or lost a partner, has its own challenges. Because dating a widow or widower needs a balance between hope and sadness. Of course, someone you love still remembers his previous partner. Without wise considerations, emotions can be mixed and scary. So, as a reflection material, here are things to consider when dating a widow or widower.

Maybe for some people, it would be scary to start a relationship with someone who has lost their partner, according to doctor Kathryn Smerling's family therapist, Ph.D., LSCW. This is because they are experiencing a big event and new people who will be their partners are afraid to be compared or compete with the previous couple.

Dating a widower or widow does have its own challenges, but it can also lead to a meaningful and satisfying relationship with someone special. Dating a widower or widow requires a combination of mercy and hope.

They may have a heavy emotional burden. They may struggle with feelings of sadness over loss, as well as a sense of guilt for opening their hearts to someone new. The key is to respect these emotions while creating space for new experiences and memories as a couple.

The consideration of dating a widow or widower is trying to understand their emotional experiences when they start a new relationship. Unlinear sadness and the unique experiences of everyone, meaning that dating processes may have different patterns.

"There is no reason to rush into the process of mourning, especially not to burden external obligations and expectations," said Alex Dimitriu, MD, a certified psychiatrist reported by VerywellMind.

Not a few widows or widowers feel guilty of failing or being left dead by their partner. Just because someone may feel "ready" to start dating again, it doesn't mean that the mourning process has ended. The beginning of the new relationship often creates complicated feelings. So, don't rush into the dynamics of the relationship. Approach slowly and carefully because both parties need self-adjustment with major changes in life.

Living the emotions that arise from sadness sometimes requires strong communication. This is important for a healthy relationship. But it's even more important when you are in a relationship with someone who is still processing the loss of their partner. Separation or loss is certainly not sad. Frequent sadness is difficult to talk about. Then, whatever happens, even when things get tough, you have to be ready to communicate well.

Whitney Allen certified coach advice, falling in love with a widower or widow needs to understand the adequacy of love for a previous and a new partner. This could be complicated if there is competition. Patience is also important, added Allen. Communicating about the past openly and honestly is also important. Tell them that you feel comfortable talking about their experiences and will give them support. It is also important to respect boundaries and create a safe space to share if they want.

It's important to remember that your partner who is a widow or widower may also have people who have lost, maybe children or a big family. There may be times when you feel like you're competing. But don't feel bad or intimidated. What's important is to remember, your presence doesn't erase their memories.

If your partner who is a widow or widower has to take turns accompanying their children with their ex-partners, maybe the dynamics are complicated. Her children can be very protective. But Smerling's advice, don't try to replace their father or mother. Try to develop your own relationship that is based on today, not what happened before. The best thing you can do is be respectful, patient, and empathetic. Focus on creating trust so that you can build a positive relationship with your partner's children.

In addition to setting clear and respectful boundaries, also create open communication channels. Be transparent with each other to build a foundation that is based on trust. Please note, trust is important for a healthy relationship, including when you are dating a widow or widower.

Trust takes time, and prolonged sadness can make the process a little more complicated and slow. You'll both need time to feel safe. You can support this process with patience, talk openly about what you're feeling, and address the concerns you might have. By communicating clearly, you can avoid misunderstandings that can hinder your relationship.

In addition to the five things that need to be considered when dating a widow or widower above, it is also important to create a new tradition to do as a partner. This is possible to create new memories together. For example by engaging in a hobby together, traveling together, or just spending time together.