JAKARTA - It's no surprise that there is a relationship between son-in-law and in-law that is difficult to get along with. Even according to a romantic relationship specialist psychologist, Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D. three of the four married couples showed significant conflicts with their in-laws.

This unpleasant relationship is certainly caused by many things. In his research, Madeleine revealed that there were several common reasons that became a problem between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, namely arrogance, coercion and disrespecting each other's boundaries.

Although you respect the properties such as physical attractiveness, a pleasant personality, or a sense of humor that your partner has. But parents are more likely to choose a partner with properties such as a good family background, adequate financial prospects, or similar religious or ethnic backgrounds (Apostlouu, 2015a, Perriloux et al., 2011). Reporting from Psychology Today, Wednesday, June 19, differences in spouse preferences can cause in-laws not to like their daughter-in-law.

The reason for the difficulty of getting along with mother-in-law is that the son-in-law of a foreigner is too attractive. Some of the biggest conflicts in the preferences of a partner between an adult child and their parents are properties related to physical attraction.

"According to evolutionary theory, we value the physical appeal to our partners because we want to'secur a descendant' in the future. However, parents may have strong reasons to reject physically attractive partners," said Madeleine.

Based on evolutionary theory, women with physical interests are more attractive than their male partners thought they tended to think about leaving their relationship. Meanwhile, more attractive men tend to be considered less capable of caring for offspring in the future.

The daughter-in-law and in-law do not get along with it because they compete for attention.

"Currently, this type of conflict is rare, but in-laws may still feel that they are competing with women's daughter-in-law to get their son's time and attention," said Madeleine.

He further explained that older women are more likely to experience neglect due to poor relationships with their daughter-in-law, and in-laws may worry that they will be ostracized by their children.

The Journal of Family Issues explains that the quality of poor relations is mostly experienced through poor communication and conflict.

"Bad communication, including scolding and saying cruel, abusive, or painful things emerged as the general pattern of poor relationships," said Keera Allendorf, PhD, Assistant Professor of International Sociology and Studies who wrote the study.

Apart from in-laws, anxiety is also possessed by a wife. A survey in the United States shows that most women have concerns about their in-laws. They worry that in-laws will talk bad things about themselves to their husbands or interfere too far in their domestic life.

The other reasons some wives and in-laws became unfamiliar because the two were confused about how to behave with each other. This awkwardness causes misunderstandings and tensions between the wife and in-laws.


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