6 Signs Of Trauma Bonding, The Situation When Someone Is Bound To Toxic Relations

Illustration (Christmasiya Vaitlevikch)

JAKARTA - If you've been in a relationship full of violence and felt ties with the perpetrators of violence, you're most likely going through so-called trauma bond or trauma bonding.

Trauma bonding in relationships occurs when you feel bound or sympathize with a partner, parent, or friend who commits violence. Perpetrators of violence often take turns treating you badly and showering you with positive attention.

This form of treatment unconsciously creates a strong psychological bond between the victim and the perpetrator. The effect of trauma bonding can lead to low self-esteem and the development of mental health disorders such as depression in the victim.

Recognizing the signs of trauma bonding can help you avoid or take the right steps needed to break the ties.

1. Justifying or defending the behavior of the perpetrators of violence

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, reported by Psych Central, Tuesday, September 12, domestic violence survivors usually describe that their partner exhibits 90 percent 'perfect' or 'extraordinary' behavior and only 10 percent of violent behavior.

It is this overall 'good' behavior that allows the formation of bonding or bonding. It can also direct victims to look for ways to justify a person's behavior when he shows unhealthy nature or behavior.

You may find yourself making excuses for them, like 'oh, they're just having a bad day' or 'I shouldn't have spent money on myself.'

2. Constantly thinking about people who have hurt you

Whether that person is a former partner, brother, or friend, if you keep thinking about it even after he leaves, it's likely that you have a trauma bonding with him. In other words, you find it difficult not to think about them or gossip about being with them or being near them again even if they commit violence.

3. You still want to help the perpetrators

Similar to constantly thinking about people who hurt you, you may show signs of trauma bonding if you are constantly trying to help that person despite a history of abuse from them.

This can include things like:

4. You don't want to leave the relationship

You may have trauma bonding if your partner, friends, or relatives treat you badly or repeatedly damage your trust. However, you still don't want to leave the situation or cut ties with them.

Obviously, cutting off relationships is difficult. Mixed emotions, fear start from scratch, financial uncertainty, and other considerations can make it difficult for you to leave. In fact, choosing to leave can help prevent the escalation of harassment.

5. Trying to cover up the behavior of the perpetrators of violence

Covering unhealthy behavior of perpetrators of violence can be done in several forms, such as:

Even after leaving the relationship, you may still remain silent about his behavior and abuse. This may be due to various reasons including shame, fear of no one believing you, or fear of punishment.

6. You don't express your true feelings or opinions

If you feel you cannot be yourself when you are near your partner, friend, or family member who is the perpetrator of violence, it could be a sign of trauma bonding.

This can include the reluctance to express your feelings, opinions, or thoughts. You may also realize that you are starting to match their thoughts for fun or prevent them from getting angry.

Although difficult, deciding the trauma bonding with the perpetrators can still happen. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, several ways to decide on trauma bonding include focusing on reality, focusing on the current situation, learning about self-care, and positive self-talk exercises.