To Minimize Conflict, Here Are 5 Ways When Talking To Defensive People

Illustration of reasons people get defensive and how to deal with them (Unsplash/Obie Fernandez)

YOGYAKARTA – Confronting a defensive person doesn't end easily. Defensiveness is aggressive behavior in response to what the other person perceives as a threat. A person may behave defensively due to several factors, including misunderstanding, shifting the blame to others, trying to maintain social status, denying responsibility, or trying to escape from a difficult situation. It is also possible that someone becomes defensive because they feel anxious and so perceives the other person as a threat.

Communicating with defensive people requires strategy. Reported by Psych Central, Friday, June 3, here are tips you can do if the other person is stubborn and difficult to accept.

1. Get to know yourself

Before you focus on other people's reactions, try to identify how to properly react to other people's behavior. Self-awareness, considered as one aspect of emotional intelligence. By having emotional intelligence, you are better able to manage and use your emotions in a positive way. This means that by managing your emotions you can reduce conflict and even reduce stress.

2. Use personal pronouns with the word “I”

The pronoun “I” is an attempt to frame the situation. If you start the conversation with an “I” perspective, then you minimize piling the blame on the other person. That way, your defensive interlocutor will be more lenient.

Illustration of reasons why people are defensive and how to overcome them (Unsplash/Afif Kusuma)

3. Go away for a while

Going and avoiding conflict isn't always healthy. But when emotions run high, you can take a break to de-stress. Then you can come back closer and be ready to face the conversation with a more open mind. If you need an intermediary, you can involve a third person to be more objective in providing input, suggestions, or moderating the chat.

4. Avoid competing

Try to stay uncompetitive when approaching a defender. When your energy is uncompetitive, certain tone of voice may be misinterpreted for uncooperative behavior. So consider only responding wisely. Avoid competing or being competitive.

5. Compromise

Compromise is a way to negotiate. This is sometimes the best course of action when resolving conflicts. Although this method can limit you, but state some needs that need to be met immediately and agree on a middle ground from both parties.

The final piece of advice, work with people who are on the defensive, requires a lot of collaboration. That way the two of you can work together so that you can meet each other's needs without sacrificing one of them. In addition, a person needs to understand his position in order to collaborate, compromise, and negotiate.