5 Causes Of Doubt In Romance

Illustration of the causes of doubts in love relationships (iStockphoto)

YOGYAKARTA – Doubts don't just appear. Past experience, one of the things that contributes to making doubts can erode the harmony of the relationship. Experts say that doubt and fear of failure are perceived as 'threats' in previous relationships. According to them, here are the reasons why doubts and fears arise in a romantic relationship.

1. Unresolved previous issues

Every problem needs to be solved, so that it doesn't accumulate and haunt the mind. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a psychologist in Sonoma County, California, says that doubt and fear can develop in the 'primitive brain'. This part of the brain is unconsciously and impulsively linked to the survival instinct. If the problem is left unresolved, it will accumulate and record thereby affecting the way of survival.

2. Need reassurance

Advice from Mitch Keil, PsyD., reported by Psych Central, Monday, April 18, it's okay to feel doubtful and afraid. So that these two things do not damage the relationship, it requires certainty and commitment. This means that you and your partner need to strengthen your commitment to be able to build mutual certainty. Certainty is not only a matter of relationships, you know, but the certainty of the goals of each person in a pair also needs to be communicated and worked together.

3. Inadequate communication

What you and your partner think or feel, it needs to be communicated. If communication is not adequate, then the relationship will be disrupted. Keil said, communication and mutual understanding is very important. Both require a willingness to respect each other's unique history and needs.

4. Doubt yourself because you often have negative self-talk

Relationships are established because of the action-reaction and commitment of you and your partner. One that makes doubts arise, because you doubt yourself. The doubt arises from negative self-talk, for example, you use a lot of 'but'. That is, do not doubt yourself and remain convinced that the things that have not been achieved can be used as goals, not shortcomings.

5. Not addressing the most essential problems in relationships

Instead of a relationship without a doubt, externalizing the problem doesn't solve the essence of the problem. Externalization of the problem, for example, often assumes 'others are at fault, I am not'. This is a red flag, Keil said. Because of this attitude, the problems that are essential in the relationship are not resolved.

The five above are the causes of doubts in relationships. If you experience it, try to evaluate it personally. Then communicate with your partner honestly and openly.