Toxic Relationship Is Difficult To Recognize Because It Is Often Affixed

Illustration - Women are often victims of violence because patriarchal culture is very inherent in Indonesia and understands a toxic relationship. (Unsplash)

The news of the death of Dini Afrianti (29) in the spotlight in recent weeks. Dini is known to have died at the National Hospital Surabaya on Friday (6/10/2023) in the morning WIB after being abused by her lover, Gregorius Ronald Tannur (GRT).

The persecution took place at a nightclub, Blackhall KTV, Lenmarc Mall, on Jalan Mayjend Jonosejowo, Surabaya.

According to GRT's confession, he was annoyed with the woman he had been dating for the past five months. However, investigators are still investigating the suspect's anger at the estuary of the victim.

Gregorius has now been named a suspect and charged with Article 351 paragraph 3 and/or Article 359 of the Criminal Code concerning severe abuse and negligence, with the threat of 12 years in prison.

Violence or persecution that occurs in a relationship is nothing new. The public often encounters how a relationship does not bring happiness at all, even to the point of death.

Unhealthy relationships do not bring happiness called toxic relationship. This term is increasingly familiar to the public in the past few years.

Toxic relationships often refer to relationships, but in reality this unhealthy relationship can also occur in other relationships such as family, colleagues, and even friendship.

LaunchingHealthline, toxic relationships are toxic relationships that cause feelings of dissatisfaction even though they continue to spend time with their partners. But unfortunately, not a few people do not realize that they are in this toxic relationship, as experienced by Dini.

The victim was known to have vented that he often received harsh treatment from Ronald. This he revealed on his TikTok account.

"The girl is desperately taking care of her heart, eh, her cwo is desperately trying to kill her girl," wrote Dini in the video uploaded to TikTok @bebyandine on Tuesday (3/10/2023).

This was also confirmed by the Dini family's team of attorneys, Dimas Yema Harah Al Farauq. So far, Dini has often received harsh treatment from Ronald. However, although he continues to be treated rudely, Dini is silent, alias never giving news to her family in Sukabumi.

A person can find out whether he fell into an unhealthy relationship by recognizing a number of signs or signals from his partner. Some of them are excessive jealousy and possessiveness, verbal abuse, it is not easy to give appreciation to your partner, harbor hatred, neglect, and be manipulative.

Child, adolescent and family psychologist Sani Budiantini Hermawan explained several reasons why a person, especially a woman, persists in a toxic relationship despite repeated harsh treatment.

Karena perempuan cenderung merasa kerugian kalau men-laki. Perempuan merasa lebih beruntung kalau ada pasangan, sehingga perempuan cenderung mempertahankan hubungan meskipun toxic. Alasan lainnya, perempuan tidak menyadara pattern toxic relationship itu seperti apa," kata Sani kepadaVOI.

Regarding the toxic relationship characteristics that are difficult to recognize, adult clinical psychologist Alfath Hanifah Megawati, M.Psi. said that this unhealthy behavior is often considered a common thing in a relationship. One example is excessive jealousy.

In toxic relationships, its appearance is repeated, for example, continuous jealousy and causes excessive reactions. For example, because of jealousy we are not allowed to make friends with anyone. Behavior like this is often understandable because it is considered common in a relationship, so toxic relationships are difficult to recognize and even difficult to leave," explained the psychologist who is familiarly called Mega..

In an unhealthy relationship, women are more often victims of violence, although it is possible that men also experience the same thing. The cause of women is more frequent victims of violence in a relationship that toxic has complex roots and involves social, cultural, psychological factors.

patriarchal culture is still very strong in Indonesia, where men are considered to have a higher power or authority than women. Developers also often rely on men as the center of solutions, both material solutions, solutions for protection, solution for problem solving, to solution as status, "added Sani.

The toxic relationship has also been experienced by Pelita Harapan University (UPH) students. Twitter account user @annisaknh8 admitted that his girlfriend, who is also an UPH student. Even the violence took place five times from August 7, 2022, to February 2023.

Had reported the incident to Komnas Perempuan on December 22, the perpetrator apologized and promised not to repeat it again so that the process would not be continued.

But promise to live. The perpetrator turned out to repeat his actions, even beating his girlfriend to death. The victim finally decided to tell his girlfriend's cruelty to his parents and reported the perpetrator to the South Tangerang Police.

According to Sani Budiant, the perpetrator in the toxic relationship needs professional help to change, so as a victim he must be more aware or aware that he is in an unhealthy relationship.

"We have to be more responsive about what happens in toxic relationships, so we don't deal with the lure that he will change, because he needs professional help to change the perpetrators so they don't commit violence anymore," explained the Director of the Insani Psychology Institute.

Reported by Charlie Health, there are several ways that can be done to deal with toxic relationships, but most importantly, someone realizes that he is in a toxic relationship. After that, you can only take the next step by seeking help, such as friends, family, or therapists, to cutting contact with the perpetrators.

"There are limits and agreements in establishing a relationship. And most importantly women should not rely on men and have their own decisions to protect themselves even though it leads to the breakup of the relationship," said Sani.