These Are the Reasons Why It's Best Not To Compare Your Relationship With Others

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JAKARTA - When you see the intimacy of other couples, both in person and through social media, you suddenly feel jealous of their happiness. Eventually you start to compare your love life with other couples. Feelings of dissatisfaction between your relationship with your partner or even begin to emerge. Starting from the lack of romance, the infrequent frequency of dating, to less interesting vacations.

According to Theresa DiDonato, Ph.D., professor of psychology from Loyola University, USA, citing Psychology Today, Tuesday, September 13, it is very natural to compare your relationship with other partners. In fact, it is useful to help better understand the relationship itself. However, it can be dangerous if this comparison causes negative thoughts to disrupt the harmony of your own love relationship.

Julie Williamson, founder of Abundant Life Counseling, in an article on Bustle cites several reasons to stop comparing your relationship with other couples.

Causing anger

When you start to get angry with yourself and your partner just because of this jealousy, then you should stop making comparisons. Because anger because of dissatisfaction can cause problems that shouldn't exist.

These problems can affect your relationship. Especially if there is hatred when you and your partner don't look or act like other couples do. You're so busy thinking about what the other person is doing instead of being there for your partner and fixing your own relationship.

Less grateful

Just because you see something that is considered better, you ignore the struggles you and your partner have gone through to maintain the relationship. Every couple experiences their own challenges and difficulties. You should be grateful that you have succeeded through these challenges and got to the point where you and your partner are today.

Psychosexual relationship therapist Kate Moyle says that watching over other people's love lives can change your perspective on your own relationship. Until you finally stop enjoying and appreciating what you and your partner have so far.

Unrealistic expectations

Trust me, not everything that is shown in public is real or what actually happened. Moreover, you only see from social media. Because there, generally people only post happy things. Behind all the intimacy that is displayed, every couple must have their own problems.

Relationship expert Anita Chlipala says that there really is no perfect partner and relationship in this world. However, because social media only features the beautiful, you may start dreaming of fictional couples who are too perfect to exist in the real world. Then, the fantasy raises unrealistic expectations.

Ruining the mood and atmosphere

These unrealistic expectations can make you dissatisfied with your partner. So whether you realize it or not, you also hope that he can turn into the partner you think is ideal. If you get to this stage, no matter what good your partner does, you are never satisfied.

For example, when it's your birthday, your partner gives gifts and a surprise dinner. This should be a romantic moment for you. However, seeing that the gifts given by your partner are not as expensive as those given by your friends, your mood will be bad and the sweet atmosphere will turn bitter.

Says Julie Williamson, at this stage you've let the joy in your relationship be controlled by your own "normal" or "ideal" standards.

Affecting your partner

Of course, over time your husband can be affected by this. Anyone will feel annoyed if they continue to be compared to others. Directly or indirectly, you have insulted your partner. This humiliation can cause a number of problems, including communication problems that are the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Even according to Kate Moyle, it's not impossible that your partner will feel threatened and may suspect you like someone else. Because all the things you expect and want from your partner does not reflect him.