Are You 'Tiger Parent' Without Awareness? Here's How To Recognize It And Find A Healthier Version

Illustration (Slow Salimova/Pexels)

JAKARTA - Among the urges to protect and prepare children for the future, many parents are unknowingly entering the parenting pattern, a parenting style that emphasizes achievement, discipline, and high standards. The question is, are you one of them?

Tiger parenting is a parenting style that is often seen as strict and very involved, in which parents have high expectations and many demands with little room for children to negotiate. The main focus is success and achievement, both in schools and in various activities. According to clinical psychologist Michelle Chung, according to the Parents page, Friday, November 28, parents with this style tend to emphasize more results and discipline over expression of emotions, pleasure, or freedom of exploration. However, in contrast to cold and stiff authoritarian care, many egg parents actually still show warmth and attention. They believe that discipline and strict rules are a form of love and the best way to protect children from harsh worlds.

The roots of tiger parenting are widely associated with the values of Confusion about hard work, education, family honor, and collective success, as well as popularized by Amy Chua Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother's memoirs. Although often attached to Asian culture, experts emphasize that egg parenting is actually a parenting style, not a certain cultural identity and can be found in various communities. Therefore, this term needs to be used sensitively so as not to simplify the diversity of the way Asian parents (or other groups) raise children, as well as ignore social and structural factors that make some parents feel they have to 'jog' children so that they can survive and progress.

Behind this style, there is usually a strong set of beliefs. Tiger parents often believe that the outside world is very competitive and cruel, so children need to be equipped with fighting power, resilience, and high work ethic since childhood. They prioritize education, academic achievements, and family reputation, as well as being willing to sacrifice for the sake of a better 'future' for children. Many of them also grow up in difficult conditions with minimal opportunity, full of pressure, and uncertainty so that the urge to 'armed' children with abilities and achievements comes from affection as well as fear: fear of children failing, suffering, or not being ready to face reality.

In daily life, tier parents usually appear firm, confident, and do not hesitate to say 'no' even though children protest because they feel different from their friends. For example, deliberately delaying giving cellphones, limiting social media, or arranging busy learning and tutoring schedules. For them, forcing children out of their comfort zone is part of shaping characters. They tend to correct frequently, provide hard feedback, and focus more on improvements rather than praise. At the same time, they can be very involved in supervising tasks, monitoring values, and thinking about strategies so that children are always the best.

This approach certainly has a positive side. Research shows that children who are raised with a combination of high expectations and warmth often grow into competent, persistent, and community-oriented individuals. Tiger parenting combined with affection can foster discipline, endurance in the face of difficulties, ability to regulate time, and awareness that hard work is the key to achieving goals. Children learn that not everything is instantaneous, and that struggle is a natural part of the dream-making process. They can grow up to become confident individuals entering an adult world because they are used to facing high standards.

However, there is a price to watch out for. Continuous stress to perfection can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, and segregants in children. They may feel that self-worth is only as high as the report card or achievements they have succeeded in achieving. When they fail, they are not only disappointed, but also filled with shame and fear of disappointing parents. In extreme cases, this burden can trigger unhealthy perfectionism, very harsh self-criticism, to self-harm behavior. Children can also find it difficult to recognize their personal desires and interests because they have lived on the targets and agendas set by their parents for too long.

Then, what if you start to realize there is tiger' in you? The key is not to extinguish it altogether, but to tame it. High expectations and discipline are not enemies, as long as empathy, open communication, and space for children to fail without fear of losing their parents' love. You can continue to guide your children to their best potential, while giving a clear message that their self-worth is not determined by the numbers on the report card. Instead of pressing, use your life experience as a source of story and wisdom: explain why you encourage them, what you are worried about, and how you are ready to walk with them instead of just judging from the side.