5 Reasons Couples Are Willing To Sacrifice Everything For Infidelity

Illustration of the couple (Photo: Freepik/Freepik)

JAKARTA - Infidelity is nothing new. But what always catches the eye is why someone who seems to have everything, a happy family, a successful career, a good reputation is actually willing to risk everything for the sake of illicit relations? This question continues to haunt the public every time a case of a major affair appears in the media.

According to Lisa Oake, an executive counselor and partner therapist, most of the perpetrators of infidelity are not bad people. They are not criminals, sex addicts, or selfish figures.

On the other hand, they are people who have been well known, worked hard, and are responsible. But behind all that, there is an inner turmoil that is invisible to the outside world.

In everyone's life, there is a time when the fire inside him goes out. Then he ignites again because of a meeting with other humans, said Oake, quoted from the CNBC Make It page.

This quote is key to understanding why a person can feel alive again when they meet new people, even if it means destroying a life that has been built for years.

Here are 5 common reasons why a person can be tempted to cheat, even if before they vowed they would never do it.

1. Always Be A Good Person

Many people grow up by obeying all the rules. They listen to parents, study hard, get a good job, get married, have children, and live according to people's expectations. However, they often never really know themselves.

"When feelings 'some are lacking' appear in middle age, infidelity can feel like an answer to the inner vacuum," explains Oake.

In this case, cheating is not just a matter of sex or emotion, but about finding an identity that has been hidden for a long time.

2. Perfectionist

Many perpetrators of infidelity are perfectionists. They are used to demanding perfection from themselves and others, usually due to childhood trauma.

"Perfexionism is often an attempt to feel safe in an unpredictable world," Oake said.

However, the pressure slowly piled up. When an opportunity arises to escape all expectations, the dark relationship can feel like a way out. For them, infidelity is a form of escape, freedom from pressure becomes perfect.

3. Weak self-restrictions

Someone who has been raised since childhood to always take care of others. For example, because parents are overwhelmed or unstable, often lose boundaries between their own needs and the needs of others. They are used to ignoring themselves to please their surroundings.

"After a lifetime of giving to others, they feel it's time to think about themselves," Oake said.

Infidelity in this case is not just a betrayal, but an act of inner retaliation. This is an expression that they also deserve attention and happiness.

4. Have a Cold Relationship

Not all victims of infidelity are the main victims in relationships. Some people have had an affair after years of living in violent marriages, emotional rejection, or unappreciated feelings.

"When all other ways fail, infidelity can be the last way to save yourself," Oake said.

In this case, relationships outside of marriage can provide a sense of security and understanding that they do not get from legitimate partners. Sometimes, it becomes a turning point to really get out of a painful relationship.

5. Experiencing A Big Loss

Deaths of parents, job loss, or other major events can trigger an identity crisis. While grieving or slumping, a person becomes more emotionally vulnerable and easily connects with others outside the usual circle.

"Disappearance makes us more open to change, including destructive ones," Oake explained.

In that moment, cheating feels like a new life, the opportunity to feel something intense and live in the midst of a void left behind by loss.