When To Apologize? According To Studies The Effect Is Bad If Excessive

Apologizing illustration (Freepik / wayhomestudio)

JAKARTA - Studies recommend saying sorry in the right situations. If you don't do anything wrong, then why do so many people say 'I'm sorry'?

Apologies are often an automatic reaction when in an uncomfortable position. According to 2015 research by YouGov, about 15 British people say sorry and 10 Americans say the same when they sneeze, block a path, or correct someone else's mistake.

This research surveyed 1,600 British and 1,000 Americans. Both have something in common, 73 percent of Brits and 71 percent of Americans would say sorry for interrupting someone. Some 60 percent of Brits and 58 percent of Americans apologize when they make a mistake.

The survey shows that apologies need to be controlled and need not be excessive.

According to studies, here are the bad effects of excessive apologizing:

People lose respect

Reported by CNBC, Monday, May 3, a psychotherapist in his book The Power of an Apology said that apologizing excessively is not much different from praising excessively. Many people think that apologizing generously can show a kind and caring personality.

But apologies actually show that you lack self-confidence and are ineffective. Beverly Engel warns that an improper apology is as if it gives permission for a particular person to do you badly.

Apology has less impact

Apologies for small things take less weight over the next day. Then consider the right situation to say it sincerely.

It's annoying

A study published in the journal Frontiers of Psychoogy found that saying sorry when intentionally rejecting someone can cause others to feel worse.

Lower self-esteem

Another study published in The European Journal of Social Psychology shows that choosing not to apologize is psychologically beneficial. Such as having greater self-esteem, feeling more in control, and related to integrity.

When is it necessary to say sorry? Here are the ways and situations that need to be recognized:

Recognize personal behaviors and tendencies

The first step, assess your own behavior and inclinations such as recognizing whether you are the one who apologizes too much. If so, then try to be more self-aware of how much you went wrong and count the number of times you apologize in a day.

Illustration of guilt expression (Freepik / cookie_studio)

Know how the situation is

Someone who dares to admit mistakes shows emotional intelligence. Before saying sorry, first identify how the situation happened. Try to be true to yourself.

If you can't control the situation and it's not your fault or trivial mistake, there's no need to say sorry.

Based on a brief review from a professor at the University of Rhode, there are three types of apologies, namely asking for forgiveness, improving relationships, and reducing potential hostility. But from the three, it is not obtained just by saying an apology alone.

That is, apologies have causes and consequences both before saying and after apologizing.