Loving Without Conditions Can Also Change Toxics, Recognize The Limits

Illustration of unconditional love changes toxic (Freepic/master1305)

YOGYAKARTA It is generally understood that loving someone means accepting as it is wholeheartedly. But it turns out, it is important to recognize that unconditional love also has boundaries. Otherwise, the relationship of two people based on this noble aspect can turn into poison.

Research on mental health proves that real love is different from the concept of love in books, films, or song lyrics. So recognize the following limits so that you can still realize when a love feeling encourages a person to behave poisonously.

Transition, in a certain context, for example fighting for human rights, is noble. But being too quick to sacrifice without knowing the context surrounding it, needs to be avoided. According to psychologist totaling Righetti reported by Therapy Tips, Friday, August 23, of course setting aside personal interests for the sake of loved ones shows respect. But according to research, there are consequences that occur both for those who sacrifice and receive it.

According to research conducted by Righetti, people who sacrifice experience lower welfare. Therefore the victim requires them to be willing to give up their own preferences and goals. Recipients are also 'between', they are happy because they are loved and feel accepted. But they also feel like they have a loss'.

Righetti's advice, change your focus by looking at the positive side. Second, reconsider whether or not you need to make sacrifices. Sometimes sacrifices are needed to maintain a relationship. But there are times when sacrifices can be avoided according to the urgency or lack of needs.

Because of love, a person sometimes fails to speak honestly to himself or his loved ones. Obviously psychologist Rachel Forbes of the University of Toronto, Canada, when someone close to us behaves unethically, we face a conflict between having to uphold moral values and maintain relationships.

The danger of being too'soft' or not reminding our loved ones when they behave unethically, we can bear some of the burdens of these bad behaviors. Whether it's feeling ashamed and guilty. If you don't be reprimanded, it's likely to repeat itself. So Forbes' advice, it's important to reflect on the moral values we hold. If the actions of our loved ones are opposite, it's okay to remind.

A person can choose to have a long-term relationship with someone who loves him. There are also those who choose family status, economic level, and opportunities to open up opportunities to achieve their goals when in a relationship with that person. This view is not wrong, but according to psychologist Xijing Wang, this approach is called perspective instrumental'.

Perspektif instrutalis mengomobjektivikasi atau memandang seseorang sebagai objet yang bisa membantu kita mencapai tujuan. Orang yang mengalaminya, mungkin merasa terjadi karena dianggap sebagai 'alat' untuk memfasilitasi pencapaian tujuan orang lain.

Wang mentioned the reason why this approach had a negative impact. First, everyone has goals and achievements that are always actual. Not always the same as everyone. In the next ten years, for example, maybe the goals and things you want to achieve will be different. So using an instrumental approach can make everyone who is in a relationship with this approach feel disappointment. Second, the treatment of objectivating, of course, is not pleasing because they are only used to benefit.

According to Markploy, Ph.D., having a partner who is always together in joy and sorrow is a blessing. But every important partner constantly checks each other or evaluates relationships honestly. This is useful in ensuring whether the dynamics of romantic relationships run healthy without toxic behavior.