7 Limits That Need To Be Set To Improve Relationships With Parents

Illustration of boundaries that need to be set to improve relationships with parents (Freepic)

YOGYAKARTA Set boundaries, especially with our parents, is certainly not easy. But it turns out, it is important to make boundaries for self-being and improve health in children's relationships. Limitations are not made to make relationship loose. On the contrary, by making boundaries you can respect yourself, meet your needs, and still respect your parents.

According to psychologistction Hart, limitations are meaningless by telling someone they need to change. But according to Kate Stoddard, marriage and family therapists reported by HuffPost, Sunday, February 25, we need to try to create dynamics in children's truly healthy relationships. By setting healthy boundaries, you no longer feel annoyed or feel controlled and attached to others. Healthy boundaries bring major changes to your mental health and your relationship with parents. What limits need to be agreed upon with your parents? Here's the list.

Not infrequently parents comment on the shape or body size of their children throughout life, including when their children are adults. These words are more frequent when appearing during holidays or after the last meeting. For example, 'How come you are thinner' or 'You are fatter huh?'. Comments about the body are uncomfortable to hear even though it's praise. Especially for people who struggle with body image problems or diet disorders, comments about the body will be annoying.

If you are financially independent, hearing your parents' opinion about how you handle money makes you frustrated. Their concern may have a good reason, namely ensuring you are financially stable. But as an adult, you can set boundaries. Convince your parents that you have a way of being independent in managing, planning, and don't want to talk about it any further.

Some parents emphasize their children to follow certain professional career paths. Usually they want their child's career to be stable, profitable, and honorable. The therapist Jor-El Caraballo says, usually advice is beyond bounds and is not asked to come from anxious parents who want the best for their child.

Although they want to be good, it can cause pressure and anxiety in a child. This even has the potential to make them feel never good enough or wrong in pursuing things they think are best suited.

Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes said it is common for parents to offer advice even though their children do not ask. The topics are about work, relationships, parenting, money management, spiritual practices, and so on.

Maybe it comes from their good intentions or anxiety, maybe even because they don't believe in their children. Regardless of the proposal that might make sense, it's important to make boundaries so they don't interfere or offend.

Rumors mean talking about someone without their knowledge. Sometimes talking about the ugliness of family members is not our right to disclose. So it is important to limit or make boundaries by not discussing family members with parents.

After all, negative emotions are still negative emotions. Managing how to express it is more important instead of asking other people to improve our emotions. We all experience disappointment, anger, frustration, assault, and annoyance without having to ask someone to feel responsible for fixing it. Being a good listener and respecting certainly needs to be done. But fixing emotions is the skill of each person without having to ask others to take over and then fix it.

For example, every middle of the year, during a long holiday, there is a family tradition to vacation to the island of Bali. But because of certain considerations, you change your vacation destination and choose to take a walk not far from home. Parents may assume you are doing the same thing and always do. It creates limits on independence and free choices are in your perspective. That is, you make choices of your own independent considerations and your parents need to limit the assumptions of your choice.

Those are the seven boundaries that need to be made to improve the relationship between children and their parents. To build boundaries, Hart suggests using sentences that are easy to understand. Try to be patient with your parents and make excuses that don't make sense.