Accepting Your Partner's Flaws Helps Minimize Conflict, Follow These 5 Ways

Illustration of how to accept a shortage of couples (Freepic /master1305)

YOGYAKARTA – Couples who have existed for a long time are likely to experience many unresolved conflicts. The root of problem-solving is sometimes basic, but relates to a partner's inherent traits or behaviors that are difficult to change. Instead of forcing yourself to change it, according to the advice of author and researcher related to positive and clinical psychology, Alice Boyes, Ph.D., it is better to try to accept your partner's shortcomings in the following ways.

1. Evaluate how serious your partner's flaws are

If the deficiency is only limited to difficulty in responding to your messages on time, it may not have a serious effect in certain conditions. Although this can make you annoyed because of the long wait, but try to evaluate the opposite. This is about how reliable your partner is emotionally and other good qualities. This turns out to be more important than managing time to quickly access his cell phone to reply to your messages.

2. Admit your own flaws

In relationships, it's easy to see things through your own eyes. You may notice how annoying your partner is, but easily forget all the little things that make it difficult for you to accept them. So Boyes' advice as reported by Psychology Today, Monday, September 25, is to write down three challenging qualities that you have that make your partner want you to improve them, but you are not interested in doing so. Write this implicitly or explicitly. For example, I am quite talkative and controlling, and my partner is quite accepting of these traits.

Illustration of how to accept your partner's shortcomings (Freepik/bearfotos)

3. Consider why your partner's flaws bother you

If your partner is often late in responding to messages or is technologically challenged, it might make you worried and worried. However, if your partner does not feel stressed by this behavior, it means you need to recognize why you are feeling anxious. Maybe you are bothered by your partner's behavior because it activates your anxiety.

People who tend to take on too much responsibility are often accompanied by feelings of anxiety and frustration with themselves because they don't know how to change their partner. This is a type of additional meaning that needs to be released. If your partner doesn't change an annoying little behavior, it doesn't mean anything to you, so don't personalize it.

4. Consider objective and subjective values

If you are someone who always updates and replies to messages quickly, this is not an objective value that everyone should have. If your partner doesn't, it may be because he or she holds different values. So, by knowing the values ​​you each hold, you and your partner can better appreciate your flaws.

Illustration of how to accept your partner's shortcomings (Freepik)

5. Look at practical options

If your partner is unwilling to fundamentally change, then what choice do you have but to remain irritated and frustrated? Of course, there are times when you have to look at practical options. This can help you minimize the impact of your partner's shortcomings and weaknesses.

Solving problems is not easy. But if the lack of a partner bothers you too much, try planning everything together. For example, if your partner has difficulty being on time, then to avoid being late you should plan to arrive at the place 30 minutes beforehand. This is done to prevent the most significant impacts from occurring.

Accepting your partner's flaws is not a process that can be done just once. This is a continuous process until you can accept your partner's flaws without feeling frustrated and anxious again.