Reluctant to be Yourself When With Your Partner, This Is the Reason

Illustration of the cause of being reluctant to be yourself when with your partner (Freepic)

YOGYAKARTA – According to research, being authentic and being yourself improves brain health, resulting in greater life satisfaction, mental well-being and a more meaningful life. On the other hand, being reluctant to be yourself or hiding your feelings with your partner can cause closeness to break down. Not without reason, being reluctant to be yourself when you are with your partner can be caused by the following three reasons.

1. Fear that your partner won't like what he sees

Fear of rejection often drives someone to behave inauthentically. This fear can force us to try our best to be someone else in order to be seen as attractive or likable. According to licensed clinical worker who specializes in helping treat anxiety, mood disorders, and personality disorders Jourdan Travers, LSCW., not being yourself can be emotionally draining. It also reinforces the belief that you are not worthy enough.

In fact, being yourself is the core element that is responsible for bringing people closer. By being yourself, someone can share each other's vulnerabilities to strengthen each other. In addition, research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology confirms that when couples act authentically, their relationships will be better. Including increased trust, greater commitment and satisfaction.

Illustration of the reasons why you are reluctant to be yourself when you are with your partner (Freepik/wayhomestudio)

2. Don't like what you see

The relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationships. Even though it is full of turmoil, it is important to like, understand and know your identity so that it is easy to articulate or express yourself without a filter.

Furthermore, when we have critical aspects of ourselves, there may be confirmation bias. It can also trigger unfair expectations that will burden those closest to you. This means that openness and feeling accepted by loved ones and loving yourself can provide real evidence that your relationship is safe.

3. Pursuing illusory perfection

Comparing oneself with others is a facial thing, according to Social Comparison Theory reported by Psychology Today, Thursday, September 14. The desire to adapt to the environment comes from the evolutionary instinct to be part of a group thereby increasing the chances of survival. In modern society, survival means gaining acceptance through validation from others.

Sometimes to get that validation, we avoid conflict. Not even being yourself because it is considered a risk of not being accepted. This is considered a standard of perfection that makes us lie to ourselves or be inauthentic. A study shows that perfectionism is associated with depression and anxiety. With perfectionism, a person can be more accepted. But it is important to remember, looking at ourselves through the eyes of other people can make us strangers to ourselves. So it's difficult to articulate what you need and want from the relationship. This can also disrupt your couple life.

The three reasons above are why someone is reluctant to be themselves, especially when they are with their partner. To quote Travers, without authenticity, intimate relationships and emotional satisfaction are impossible. This means that embracing authenticity has great benefits for mental health, emotional closeness with a partner, and allows for a more meaningful relationship.