When Self-Ability Is Lowered, Here Are 5 Ways To Move On

Illustration of ways to move on when self-capacity is undermined (Freepic/armmypicca)

YOGYAKARTA Reaping others includes emotional abuse or emotional violence. Usually because of being humiliated, a person is hindered in finding self-quality and it is difficult to become yourself. In emotional violence, 'messages' that implicitly indicate that a person never does anything right. To recover or move on from the treatment of others that makes him feel low, here are the tips.

Most people who experience emotional violence by being humiliated, their patterns will continue. People who do it have many reasons, it could be because they feel less confident, or want people who are humiliated to do their best. However, often people who are humiliated will blame themselves. The advice of the author and mental health care innovator Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D., blaming yourself is not the right way will actually make you feel dissatisfied and empty.

Instead of looking for who is wrong and even blaming yourself, Jantz encourages to be more understanding in people who abuse their emotions by degrading your abilities. Understanding can quell the flames of anger, bitterness, and hatred.

If other people think you are incompetent in completing a task, your spirit may collapse instantly. So you will be more obedient and easily controlled. But once control is formed, it is difficult to let go of that grip.

Forgiving may be one way, first to give a gift to a hurt person. Second and more meaningful to yourself, forgive also the gift to stay in control of the relationship.

Just imagine, when it's hard to forgive it means you let the pain continue to hurt you. Keep in mind, in many cases people who even accidentally demean can continue their lives and think that no one is hurt. So why still keep the bitterness and anger over the behavior of others? So giving forgiveness to demeaning people is also a new beginning for oneself.

Emotional harassment is a practice designed to reassure you with words, actions, and the idea that you are helpless and have no rights. This is a lie and you have the power and rights. Everyone has the right not to be emotionally abused. You have the right to continue your life, free from a violent relationship. You have the power to forgive the people who hurt you," Jantz explained as quoted by Psychology Today, Tuesday, December 10.

Recognizing self-force means learning to love and trust yourself. It's also a way to find the word 'no' for things that other people really want from you. That is, you have control of yourself so that bad things don't happen, be emotionally harassed, manipulated, even lied to.

Being in a relationship with people who commit emotional violence, means that they are constantly involved in disputes over wants at several levels. This dispute always involves conflict. The only way to avoid conflict is to get out of the relationship completely.

People who commit emotional violence are toxic; they poison relationships with their need to control, their negativity, and their lack of respect. So, limiting contacts can reduce the chance of exposure to poison. Or Jantz's advice, you can ask for help from trustworthy people to support your emotions. Obstitute this emotion, meaning that someone who understands the dynamics of the relationship and agrees to step in to offer support in certain situations. Another way to protect yourself from potential conflict is to call, send a card, or meet in public places.

It's important to learn to separate what's happening now from what happened yesterday or in the past. For example, someone has commented roughly on your abilities or the results of your hard work, that's not justification for what you've been going through in the past. This situation also doesn't need to be a moment of recalling mistakes in the past. To be sure, avoid hostility and if something hurts you, explain how you feel.

Avoid wanting to be right too because it will create a gap of difference and enlarge the dispute. Jantz's message, be responsible for yourself. Avoid blaming yourself and getting your personal strength back so that you make decisions for yourself better. Finally, how to move on when humiliated, find love and joy in yourself.