Domestic Violence Is Not A Marriage Test, But A Signal For Unhealthy Relations

Domestic violence (KDRT) is not a wedding test, but red flags or signals that a relationship is unhealthy. (Unsplash/Andrej Lisakov)

JAKARTA The public is busy inviting Cut Intan Nabila not to tolerate domestic violence (KDRT). Meanwhile, clinical psychologist Olphi Disya Arinda said that domestic violence is not a test in a marriage.

In the past three days, the name of the celebrity Cut Intan Nabila became a byword. The reason is that she exposed the domestic violence carried out by her own husband, Armor Toreador.

On Tuesday (13/8/2024) Intan uploaded a video recording closed-circuit television (CCTV) on her Instagram account. In the video, you can see that this former fencer experienced physical violence from her husband. Their baby, who is less than a month old, is also a victim.

The Bogor Police have detained Cut Intan Nabila's husband, Armor Toreador, on the same day after the viral post of torture experienced by Intan went viral.

For his actions, Amor was charged with multiple articles. Namely: Article 44 Paragraph (2) of the Law on the Elimination of Domestic Violence with a maximum imprisonment of 10 years or a fine of Rp. 30 million. Then Article 80 of Law No. 35 of 2014 concerning Child Protection, with a maximum penalty of 4 years and 8 months or a fine of Rp. 72 million. Then the article on persecution is Article 351 of the Criminal Code, the maximum penalty of 5 years in prison or a maximum fine of Rp72 million.

Intan received a lot of support, while on the other hand, Armor was bombarded with insults by netizens following the viral video uploaded by the celebrity. In the upload, he admitted to keeping dozens of other videos as evidence of domestic violence he experienced.

Not only that, this mother of three also said that she was a victim of an affair during her five-year marriage to Armor.

Domestic violence, both physically and psychologically, almost certainly leaves trauma on the victim. However, not a few victims of domestic violence chose to close the meetings of this problem, because the response to what was experienced was often seen as exposing domestic disgrace.

According to data from the National Commission on Violence against Women (Komnas Perempuan), since 2001 domestic violence has continued to be the highest reported data.

In the 21-year report on Komnas Perempuan's annual record, 2.5 million violence was recorded in the personal realm. Among them are the violence against his wife (KTI) as many as 484,993 cases. This type of violence is the most widely reported case. Then, violence against girls (KTAP) committed by family members as many as 17,097 cases. This type of case, ranks third most reported.

In the domestic violence case experienced by Intan, the Police, Armor, admitted that he had committed more than five violent acts since 2020 or since they were blessed with their first child.

Intan is not the only one and may not even be the last person to experience domestic violence. Of the many cases, not a few victims chose silence. Apart from being considered a disgrace that must be covered up, domestic violence is also often considered a wedding test.

That is why there are still many parties who tolerate domestic violence carried out by their partners while hoping to pass the test.

However, according to clinical psychologist Olphi Disya Arinda, violence is not a form of test in building a household, but rather a red flag or signal that a relationship is unhealthy. According to her, the marriage and red flags test are two different things.

"Red flags are a kind of warning that his marriage is not healthy, for example domestic violence, cheating, neglect, and addiction," wrote Disya on her Instagram account.

If the wedding exam is a kind of challenge that needs to be faced together as a team. For example, if the husband is laid off, the wife helps the economy. Or the wife is sick and the husband is loyal to accompany her. Or there are infertility constraints," he continued.

Disya added, marriage exams often occur due to external factors outside of human control, not something that happens on purpose. So that when the test approaches, problems can be faced together, not one of them makes problems and their partner becomes miserable.

"So domestic violence, cheating, neglect, and addiction are factors that cause trauma, not household exams," he said.

According to Komnas Perempuan, domestic violence or domestic violence is gender-based violence that occurs in the personal realm. This violence occurs a lot in personal relations, the perpetrator is a person who is well known and close to the victim, for example acts of violence committed by the husband against his wife, father against children, uncle against his nephew, grandfather to his grandson.

This violence can also arise in dating relationships, or be experienced by people who work to help work at home and live in the household. In addition, domestic violence is also interpreted as violence against women by family members who have blood relations.

According to a number of sources, there are several types of domestic violence, namely physical violence, psychological violence, sexual violence, and neglect.

According to Disya, the treatment in marriage can be various forms, but generally divided into three, namely physical, emotional, and financial.

Disya explained that physical neglect is like being abandoned for no apparent reason, never attending, leaving without permission, or avoiding meeting his partner and/or child. Meanwhile, emotional neglect is, although physically not far apart but in the household relationship there is no feeling of caring for each other, attention, and each other is busy alone.

Finally, financial neglect is not providing materially even though they are capable or in other words do not meet the primary needs.

"Why do I think this is not a wedding test but a flag red test? Because one party chooses to do it so that the partner feels invisible (not considered) and frontman (forgettable)," he explained.