Before Doubts On Your Partner Destroy Your Relationship, Reflect On These 4 Things

Illustration of doubt in a partner (Unsplash/Michael Easterling)

JAKARTA – Doubts can disrupt relationships and, of course, affect your trust in your partner. Because of doubt, questions that don't really need to be thought about become haunting. Have you ever had doubts about your partner, your relationship, and were afraid to fail in a relationship?

Love stories end forever and full of romance is often a reference. This could be someone's reference in setting expectations. But the feeling of awkwardness and doubt can actually arise because the mind is in the clouds.

To resolve uncomfortable situations in relationships due to doubt, Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. The author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them provides the keys that every couple needs to reflect on.

The key is useful for reflection so that doubt does not make your relationship with your partner not torn apart.

1. Communicate well

Asking a lot of questions to the couple is normal. Precisely by asking questions, those of you who are overwhelmed with doubts can listen and understand the explanations of your partner.

But what needs to be noted is that as long as the questions asked are general in nature and the explanations are given clearly, then it is not a big problem. For example, the question of how to maintain a harmonious relationship, whether the relationship is healthy, how the future.

2. Fill in the blanks

Early in a relationship, some couples go through the introduction phase. According to Lewandowski, falling in love is easy when you don't have every information about the person you like. Once you fill in the gaps in the information, you will recognize your partner more clearly, including errors.

From mistakes, it can actually build your confidence in your partner that the relationship is worth fighting for and how to go back to the previous point. Communication is the key to exploring and finding solutions.

3. Feelings are not the only reference

Relationships between two people are complicated, says Lewandowski. It's not just feelings that become a reference in uniting you and your partner. Feelings often go up and down because they are influenced by moods, thoughts, and motivations.

When faced with doubt and a sense of uncertainty, simplification is often done. According to Lewandowski, the answer to the question 'whether the relationship is good or bad' is not just 'yes' and 'no'.

“Instead, you need to respect the reality of your relationship by not thinking in absolute terms. Try to think in percentage terms: What percentage of the time was your relationship enjoyable? What percentage is not met. Realistically, neither of them will be 100 percent," said Lewandowski quoted from Psychology Today, Thursday, September 9.

4. Avoid comparing

Comparing your relationship with your partner's relationship with the relationships of those around you is natural when doubt strikes. Maybe another couple looks perfect from the outside. However, perfection is impossible.

Research conducted by Emery and team in 2014 published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people tend to make their relationships more visible on social media not when things are going well, but when they feel insecure.

That is, comparing relationships can be devastating. Furthermore, Lewandowski explains, doubt is experienced by every relationship. Feeling uncertainty also doesn't always lead to failure.