How To Keep Your Sex Life Warm With Your Spouse? Here Are Tips From Experts

Illustration of how to keep your sex life warm (Unsplash/Jonathan Petit)

JAKARTA – Intimacy with a partner is often considered trivial, even though it is not only physical activity that needs to be done. However, couples who have been married for years need references on how to maintain the warmth of their marriage, especially the sexual aspect.

Launching NBC News, Thursday, June 3, several ways to stimulate may have been done. For example, watching movies, role playing, and wearing sexy underwear.

According to Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., a sex educator and author of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, this is a good undertaking. But there are other things that can be a 'brake' and even more urgent.

“…but it turns out that people usually struggle not because there isn't enough stimulation as an accelerator, it's because there's too much braking,” said Nagoski.

Stress puts the brakes on a partner's sexual life to be cooler. Because stress is a survival mechanism to help you when your body sends a signal telling you that you are not safe right now. And when the situation is not safe, having sex is not the right activity.

“Stress can completely squelch your sex drive,” says Nagoski.

Starting from piling up work, raising children, and lack of sleep can be a solid brake to block the flame of warmth in your sexual life and your partner.

Nagoski recommends several techniques that couples can use to keep intimacy with their partner warm, below is a list below.

Schedule sex time

Nagoski says that couples who stay in long-term and happy relationships usually prioritize sex and have a schedule on their calendar.

Something important in life, there is always a schedule. This includes keeping your relationship with your partner warm. Scheduling sex means giving you time to get rid of annoying stressors, says Nagoski.

Avoid chasing

At one point, many couples assume that if their lover refuses to have sex, negative thoughts arise. In fact, according to Nagoski, couples will not say no because they are not interested.

Usually, they refuse because they are stressed, tired, and not interested in having a husband and wife relationship now. The chase actually makes the couple hit the brakes hard. If you have a schedule for two, of course there is no need to chase but there needs to be an explanation and agreement.

Stop focusing on sex

If you want to rekindle your sex life, you have to stop making sex your goal, suggests Nagoski. Instead, with your partner focus on building intimacy.

When you don't have time to have sex, it's important to make time each day for cuddling and kissing. Nagoski recommends kissing for six seconds, which relationship therapist John Gottman has suggested.

It may seem trivial and calculative but it's the perfect way to build intimacy with your partner. Positive again, physical touch can reduce stress and open the opportunity for both of you to continue the next action in bed.

Know what you and your partner want

Conflicts often come because communication is not open. So, try to identify what you want, also identify what your partner wants.

Michael Castleman and Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., suggest knowing what your partner's sexual fantasies are, what styles to try, and the state of each other's feelings and thoughts. This last recommendation can minimize assumptions that are not based on facts and trigger conflicts.