JAKARTA - Marriage is not only about two people, but also about how to deal with a big family, including in-laws. For some people, relationships with in-laws can be a source of warmth.
However, what if the reality is different, when your mother-in-law doesn't seem to like you? This situation is not easy, but that doesn't mean it can't be dealt with wisely.
Unlike friends or biological family, relationships with in-laws are formed instantly. You do not choose your in-laws, and in-laws do not choose you as your son-in-law. Suddenly, through marriage, in-laws become important people in your life.
This relationship starts from scratch when you are an adult, always involves a third party, namely a partner, and is labeled important, even though it has not been built naturally.
Because of its unique nature, it is natural that relationships with in-laws are often more complicated than other relationships. Here are 3 elegant ways to deal with in-laws, as reported by the First Things page.
1. Realize That You Can't Control In-laws
In-laws may have their own views or expectations towards their son-in-law. If it turns out that in-laws don't like you, realize that it is the opinion of your in-laws, not from you.
The attitude that can be taken is, "I'm not happy with my mother-in-law's attitude, but I understand. I can't force other people to like me. All I can do is stay kind, respect, and maintain relationships for the sake of a partner."
Focus your energy on your partner, because he is the most important person in marriage.
2. Keep Healthy Limits
Trying to understand does not mean letting yourself or your household be hurt. Some of the dynamics that often appear between your son-in-law and in-law, for example:
- Parents who still want to be the center of attention of their children even though they are married
- Husbands who often defend their mothers, so that wives feel unsupported.
- Positive sentences from in-laws that sound like covert criticism.
Under these conditions, it is important to have clear boundaries. In-laws have no right to interfere too far in household matters, violate privacy, or intentionally make you feel bad.
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3. Be a 'Tim' with your partner
The key to dealing with in-laws is a solid relationship with a partner. Some steps can be done together:
- Prioritize your marriage. Agree that each is responsible for dealing with their own parents when there is a problem.
- Create an identity as a team. Defend each other in front of his in-laws and make decisions together.
- Limit the story to parents. Not all household problems need to be shared with in-laws.
- Open communication. Talk to your partner what makes you feel uncomfortable, and find a solution together.
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