Building Intimacy, Here Are 9 Rules For Talking About Sex With Couples

Illustration of rules talking about sex with a partner (Freepic)

YOGYAKARTA The dynamics in discussing sexual life with a romantic partner is quite complex. It is considered taboo to feel ashamed. It is good to talk about desires that never meet until exploring intimate activities so that they feel new and increase intimacy. For that, romantic couples need communication by talking about sex. Psychotherapist licensed focus on the life of marriage and family, Vanessa Marin, LMFT., provides a series of rules when talking about sex with a partner. Check the following explanation.

Many couples are nervous and awkward when talking about sex. Even if you talk to your loved partner, it still needs to make your intentions clear. That is, aiming well will encourage the desire to communicate positively. Make small talks, not complicated, and communicate goals that can be achieved with your partner.

The best thing that can be done for a relationship is to consider you and your partner as teammates. Couples are a team to work together against anything that hinders the warmth of intimate life. Because your partner is a team mate, recognize the atmosphere of conversation. Control emotions, don't heat up. If someone gets annoyed or offended, remind each other to take care of each other's feelings.

The study, reported by Time, Monday, February 19, found a way to start the conversation to determine the end of the conversation. When having sex talks, make sure the conditions are correct. Don't try to talk to your partner while he's cooking dinner or when he has to pursue a certain agenda. Avoid opening the conversation when you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Take a moment, calm yourself down and make sure your partner is relaxed. Start the conversation gently.

Instead of using the word 'you' subject, it's better to use your own point of view, or use the word'me'. For example, 'I feel X and need Y'. The choice of this word, does not have the intention of 'attacking' or blaming your partner. That is, it is important to make your partner feel safe first before being open to each other about the needs of each other related to sex. Don't forget, include feelings to explore the deepest layers of yourself. Also explore the feelings of your partner so that they have the opportunity to open up to each other.

Talking about sex, choosing slow speed. This is useful for discussing one by one to the end and working together to handle it with your partner. Avoid interpreting a sentence into a negative. Better, ask the details if you have any doubts how to respond.

The short word, such as 'Always' or 'Never', can trigger an argument. It is important to reveal things related to sexual life with a partner in detail without being defensive.

Communicating is an important step to build better things. Including discussing sex with your partner, the goal is to build an intimate life together. So you and your partner need to make space together to be better. That is, one does not dominate and is aggressive in weakening their partner.

In addition to expressing feelings, thoughts, and sexual needs, it is also important to listen to your partner with great attention. Establish eye contact and direct your body to your partner. This marks that you pay full attention to every sentence spoken.

Every couple needs to talk about sex. If your partner has difficulty, try to empathize and realize that maybe he is facing inner wounds related to sex. The best way to get back the conversation out of the way, is to remind yourself that you both have done the best.

According to Marin, talks about sex with a partner need to be practiced. The more often you communicate about intimate life, the easier it is to be assertive.