4 The Behavior Of Husbands And Wives Who Can Accustom The Elimination Of Household Relations

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JAKARTA - In marriage there are always problems and challenges. If you can't face it well, the problems that were previously small will become big and take a long time to cause cracks in the household. The way couples communicate and interact greatly determines the solution of all these problems.

The marriage therapist and consultant, John Gottman, told Psychology Today, Wednesday, November 9, that the damage to a marriage could be caused by unhealthy behavior that has continued to occur in relationships for years.

John Gottman also mentioned that there are four behaviors that are indicators of unhealthy marriage. For the sake of a lasting marriage relationship, let's learn these four unhealthy behaviors and how to deal with them.

Every couple does have to criticize each other, so they can get to know each other things they don't like about their partner and learn to tolerate. Simple criticism when commenting on a partner's bad habits is something normal. For example, asking him to stop smoking, be lazy, or sayang. If these criticisms build, it can make your relationship even closer.

However, the story is different if the criticism is carried out with harsh words, to the point of issuing dirty insults. Criticism like this should be avoided because it can turn into verbal violence. Another form of criticism that should be avoided is continuous criticism of your partner so that it seems that there is nothing good in your partner.

So, John Gottman suggests that every time you issue criticism, you can also compensate it by giving praise to your partner. Even though you are upset, try to recall the kindness and advantages of your partner that made you fall in love with him.

An anger is a person's emotions or natural feelings, but the way to vent anger can be very negative if it is not controlled. One of them is by insulting your own partner. This sadness can take various forms. Starting from words to actions that make other people feel humiliated.

John Gottman gave an example of several forms of insults that are often carried out by husband and wife. Among them, considering the couple's feelings are not important, ignoring a partner when she is sad or needs entertainment, insinuating or insulting a partner in public, to degrading the child's self-esteem.

Even more dangerous, this insult was initially small so sometimes we don't realize it. Then, it gets worse when the couple insults each other until it finally makes them lose their love in their relationship. So, if you start to feel like your husband doesn't love you anymore, try asking yourself first, do you still love yourself.

While fighting, being defensive is one of our ways to defend ourselves. High self-esteem makes a person not want to accept criticism, even though he realizes that he is wrong. It's okay to be defensive every now and then, but if this happens every time you are criticized, it means you ignore your partner's opinion and refuse to solve the problem.

Indeed, when you are emotional and don't know how to say it, we prefer to stay away from fights. If this is done to calm down, it doesn't matter. However, if you continue to avoid problems, to reject your partner's desire to discuss solving them, it can have a negative impact on your relationship.

According to John Gottman, often someone finally gives up on discussing the problems that occur just because he doesn't want his partner to stay around for too long and silence him. Even though if the problem is not resolved or there are still feelings that are stuck, it can backfire in a marriage relationship.