YOGYAKARTA – Love is often used as the basis for two people who are paired to decide to get married. Love is also believed to be an important factor when choosing to marry a partner. According to a 2012 study by Lavner and colleagues, couples who choose to marry when they have doubts about their relationship are likely to experience more dissatisfaction and distress, and are even more likely to separate.
A little scary maybe, but there is a love component that needs to be completed first. As Sternberg's research has repeatedly referenced, the three components are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The three of them, when fused together, will form a type of love that is not only small in words or flowery feelings. On its own, intimacy is described as just liking while passion is described as infatuation.
When intimacy and passion combine to form romantic love, while intimacy and commitment form love as a life partner. According to Sternberg, these three components make up perfect love. But each pair may have its own different combination of components.
Frei and Shaver's 200 study published by Psychology Today, Friday, August 12, adds an important component that couples must have before marriage. That component is respect. Because with respect, each person in a pair will behave according to morals, pay attention to each other, be honest, and can be trusted.
Furthermore, when the researcher explores which one is the strongest basis for couples to marry, is it respect, mutual liking, mutual love, or relationship satisfaction? Researchers found that respect for a partner is the most powerful component of feelings of love.
Mutual respect, it seems important to forge a long-term partnership. Even a successful marriage requires this. The respect that each partner has, is built on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When you encounter an unsatisfactory event, unconsciously negative thoughts may take over. However, behavior may remain positive because the relationship is based on respect.
According to Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., professor of social psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University, love may follow but not precede. In addition, love is not a sufficient reason to get married. The absence of love is also no reason to refuse marriage.
Subsequent research, showed that after marriage, there was no difference in feelings of love, commitment, or satisfaction among those who chose marriage or arranged marriages. Fugère adds, love may not be necessary or sufficient as a foundation for marriage. Two people who are committed to each other, can build these feelings based on respectful behavior.
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