In Your 30s, Why Is It So Hard To Find New Friends?

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JAKARTA - Entering the age of 30, the phase of a person's life will change. Career advance or start building a household. Not infrequently, some will feel like moving to a new office or new home environment.

As an adult in your 30s, of course you also need to make new friends in a new environment. In fact, you are no longer a child or teenager who easily makes new friends who 'connect' and become soulmates. There are many reasons why making new friends at such a young age is so difficult, including:

Focus more on what's important

Laura L. Carstensen, professor of psychology at the Stanford Center in California, conducted research on a group of friends and was featured in the New York Times in the article Why It is Hard to Make Friend Over 30? He observed that people in their 30s tended to interact with few friends but their friendship levels were much closer.

According to him, the age of 30s is a kind of alarm in which a person usually is withdrawing from exploration and concentrating on what is in front of him and facing him. "They will focus on what they consider important," he said.

"So if you're not interested in cocktail parties, you're going to be interested in spending time with the kids."

Selection of new friends

Indeed, making new friends is no longer the same as when you were in school or college, which is very easy to establish relationships. In adulthood, you will tend to select people who deserve to be your friends. Maybe you will find friends who have the same life values as you. Or it could also have the same hobby or hobby. You will select anyone who really suits you.

Do not have time

In the past, when you were in your 20s or when you were in college, you had time from morning to morning to carry out many activities. You will have no trouble making new friends, whether from school, tutoring, library, gym and the myriad of other activities you participate in.

Now, you are busy with achievements in work or career and have almost no free time except weekends. Not to mention if you are married, you will spend a lot of time with your spouse and children. There's no time to make new friends.

Competitive world of work

If you've changed jobs and it's hard to make friends in your new office, that's perfectly normal. Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology from the University of North Carolina, said the world of work is full of competitive competition. Everyone in the office tries to hide their weaknesses from coworkers.

Friendships that occur at work are often transactional, and it's hard to find true friendships. However, it never hurts to start a conversation with coworkers in your new office.

It should be realized that having friends and companions in life is very important for maintaining mental health or sanity. Healthy friendships can help you reduce depression and anxiety.