JAKARTA - Facing friends or relatives who have just lost a loved one is not easy. Often we want to comfort, but the words that come out are at risk of hurting their feelings.
Clinical Psychologist from the University of Indonesia, Ratriana Naila Syafira, M.Psi., shared a guide on what we should hold on to when dealing with people who are grieving, as reported by ANTARA.
1. Avoid Asking for Details of Death
Questions such as "What is the disease?", "How can it be?", or "When was the last time you saw it?" may arise because of concern. However, for those who are grieving, these questions can be very tiring.
Why? Because it forces them to relive the traumatic moment.
Advice: Wait until they start the story themselves when they feel emotionally ready.
2. Avoid Questions with a Blameful Tone
Without realizing it, sometimes we throw out sentences like, "Why didn't you take him to the hospital sooner?" or "You should have been treated by a doctor from the start, right?".
The effect: Despite the best of intentions, this question can trigger deep feelings of guilt. They will start to blame themselves for things that are really out of their control.
3. Be careful with the phrase "Must be strong"
We often think of the phrase "You have to be strong" or "Don't be sad, you have to be strong" as support. Turns out, psychologists think the opposite.
"This sentence can make them feel like they have no room for fragility. In fact, emotions that are not processed properly can have a negative impact in the long run," explained Ratriana.
4. Don't "Complain about Fate"
Comparing our grief experience with theirs is not the right way to show understanding. Phrases like, "I've been through this too, even worse..." actually make them feel that their grief is not valid or considered trivial.
Everyone has their own "biological clock" to heal wounds. Comparing will only make them feel misunderstood.
Then, What is the Best Support?
According to Ratriana, the best support is not always in the form of poetic words. Just:
Be present sincerely without judging.
Give them time to process.
Be a good listener without having to provide instant solutions.
"Proper support is about giving space, not about finding answers.
The English, Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and French versions are automatically generated by the AI. So there may still be inaccuracies in translating, please always see Indonesian as our main language. (system supported by DigitalSiber.id)
