Getting To Know Hypogami, The Phenomenon Of Women Choosing Lower Couples

The hypogamy phenomenon is when women choose a partner from a lower social, economic, or educational strata than themselves. (Unsplash)

JAKARTA The classic Cinderella fairy tale that tells of a woman married with a higher social and economic status is the dream of many women. But slowly, such a narrative begins to shift.

In recent years, there have been many stories about women marrying men with lower income and or education levels than themselves.

Sociologist from the University in Vienna, Austria, Nadia Steiber said, along with the increasing number of women who received higher education and achieved financial independence, traditional thinking of having to marry a rich man began to shift.

"The number of women educated higher is far beyond that of men," said Nadia Steiber.

With this condition, there is an assumption that women should look for equal partners, both in terms of education and socio-economic status.

But in reality, it turns out that often women choose a partner with a lower status.

This phenomenon is then known as hypogamy.

Hipogami is a condition when women choose a partner from a lower social, economic, or educational strata. This concept is considered challenging old norms such as homogamy, namely couples from similar backgrounds, and hypergamy or women who usually marry men with higher status.

If in the past hypogamy was considered taboo or even detrimental to women, now there are more and more women who no longer use their partner's social or financial status as the main benchmark. For women, especially those who are mature, emotional intimacy, security, and transportation are far more important than their respective titles or income.

The hypogamy phenomenon that has been widely discussed recently has not happened without reason. The existence of significant changes in access to education is said to be one of the main factors.

In a study entitled The End of Hypergamy: Global Trends and Implications notes that the educational gap between men and women who have been in favor of men has reversed.

In 2010, the number of women aged 25-29 years who have higher education surpassed men in more than 139 countries. In the future, this trend is predicted to continue around the world, except for several countries in Africa and West Asia.

However, the hypogamy trend is not just a matter of statistics. There is a shift in values and preferences in building a relationship. Currently, many women prioritize emotional fitness, equality of views, and the ability to communicate, compared to economic backgrounds or academic degrees.

Michelle Begy, an intermediary for matchmaking from Ignite Dating, said that many of them are now prioritizing emotional alignment, the same values, and mutual respect rather than just conventional status markers.

"These changes reflect a large shift towards a more egalitarian relationship, which emphasizes more about the quality of relationships and personal fulfillment than hierarchical structures," he said.

The Pew Research Center study in 2023 shows that 24 percent of women bound by heterosexual marriages in the United States have a higher education rate than their husbands. This number is up 19 percent compared to data in 1972.

The same study revealed that about 29 percent of the total married couples studied, both husband and wife, earned almost the same income.

Currently, there are about 16 percent of couples with women as breadwinners, although models of traditional relationships with husbands as the main breadwinner still dominate more than half of couples.

Interestingly, over the last five decades the proportion of women whose income is equivalent or even more than their husbands has almost tripled. This change challenges the long-standing gender norms.

Meanwhile, in Indonesia, based on data released by the Central Statistics Agency (BPS) earlier this year, around 18 percent of Indonesian women are highly educated married to men whose education levels are lower. This figure shows an increasing trend compared to five years ago, where the figure is still below 12 percent.

Although the numbers have increased, hypogamy faces challenges, namely social stigma. In patriarchal culture, men are still often expected to be more economically and intellectually dominant parties in a relationship.

The hypogamy phenomenon reflects a broader social transformation, in which traditional norms are starting to be challenged by equality and individualism values. In the future, this trend is expected to continue to develop as awareness of the importance of equal and mutual trust-based relationships.

On the other hand, hypogamy can increase the burden on women. Because even though women are the main financial backbone, there are still expectations to continue to fulfill domestic roles as well.

In other words, apart from being a breadwinner, women also still have to take care of their homes, serve their partners, and raise children.

Unhealthy hypogamy relations can also lead to status inequality, creating a sense of insecurity or an inferior feeling from a male partner, which can lead to a conflict of relations.

Because, men who are trapped in an inferior sense have the potential to cause forms of emotional or psychological violence. When men's masculinity is threatened, it is often women who have to bear the impact.