Passion Is Not Always The Same, A Healthy Way To Face Libido Differences In Relationships

JAKARTA - In a relationship, there are times when you want to have sex. But your partner is not ready to have sex.

According to sexologists, this condition is very common and called differences in sexual arousal or mismatched libido. This means that each person's frequency or intimate needs are not always the same and that's normal.

A 2015 study shows that about 80 percent of couples have experienced it. Even though it's normal, that doesn't mean it has to be left alone. If it's not discussed, the difference in libido can lead to feelings of annoyance, misunderstanding, or feeling unwanted. Meanwhile, partners with lower libido can feel pressured or guilty.

If it continues to be suppressed, this small problem can widen to annoyance, reduce intimacy, and even affect the quality of the relationship.

"The longer sexual problems are left untreated, the more difficult they will be to solve," explained Laurie Mintz, PhD, sex therapist and author of Becoming Cliterate, quoted from the Women's Health page.

But the good news is, when a partner can talk about differences in sexual needs openly, the relationship can get closer. According to experts at The Gottman Institute, healthy communication about sex can strengthen emotional ties, not just relationships in bed.

As long as there are two humans with different rhythms and needs, different libido will always appear. That's why many people are looking for ways to deal with it. For eight years as sex educator and podcast host for Sex Ed With DB, the most common question arises is, "What should I do if my partner and I want sex at different times?"

Before discussing how to deal with it, it's important to first understand what causes general libido differences. The cause of mismatched libido is:- Stress- CHremonary Change- Mental Health- Different types of sexual needs- The relationship phase- The difference in passion does not mean Ignorance is problematic. What's much more important is how you respond to those differences.

How to Deal with it

Here are seven ways that experts advise to find balance.

1. Schedule time to have sex

It sounds less spontaneous, but many sex therapists recommend it. Dr. Mintz advises couples to discuss the ideal frequency, then find the best time in their respective schedules. With special times, couples who have responsive passion (need stimuli first then there is a passion) usually easier to prepare themselves.

2. Build intimacy outside the bedroom

The frequency of sex is not the only measure of closeness. Ask yourself, "Are you guys still teasing each other? Showing affection?", "Thank you to each other? Share the responsibility of the house?", and "Daily integrity is the foundation of the emergence of desire.

3. Overcome stress and mental health problems

Stress is one of the biggest libido killers. Exercise, adequate sleep, meditation, or relaxation activities that are carried out together can help. If there are problems such as anxiety, depression, orVINCE, working with a mental health professional is highly recommended.

4. Check hormonal conditions

Hormonic changes are normal during pregnancy, after giving birth, ahead of menopause, and other phases. If libido drops continuously and interferes, consult with health workers to see if there is a necessary drug therapy or adjustment.

5. Find a passion trigger

Many women, especially heterosexual, have responsive passion. That is, passion arises after stimulation. Find what can turn on the mood by reading hot romantic novels, watching movies with intimate scenes, or listening to safe and legal erotic audio.

6. Prioritize foreplay

Research in 2020 shows that women can need about 20 minutes of foreplay before they are ready to orgasm during penetration. If it's too fast, the body doesn't have time to build enthusiasm, and the sex experience can be less fun. Foreplay doesn't have to be just an opening, just make it the main event if you want.

7. Seek professional assistance if necessary

If you feel deadlocked, avoiding sex topics, or getting caught up in repeated conflicts, partner sexologists or therapists can be very helpful. No need to be ashamed, many adults never get good sexual education. With proper guidance, intimate relationships can develop healthier and more enjoyable for both parties.