7 Ways To Communicate With Your Partner Without Being Defensive

Illustration of how to communicate with a partner (Pexels/Andrea Piacquadio)

JAKARTA – Communicating with your partner requires listening to each other without giving criticism or comments. Sometimes, when people talk about their problems, they just need to be heard, right?

Well, because of this problem, many couples have communication patterns that are not two-way. Or a communication pattern that is greater defensive attitude.

Defensiveness is triggered by sensitivity to feelings, usually unconsciously shaped by past experiences or previous relationships. Reported by Motherly, Monday, October 11, relationships based on a shared commitment are more responsive than mutual control. To be calmer and not be defensive, the method below can be done.

1. Take notes on what your partner says

Taking notes is one way to help someone who is on the defensive. Whatever defense you feel, try to reflect back on what you heard and speak just in time. Keep in mind that listening is a concern about your partner's feelings.

2. Focus on respect and showing love

During a difficult conversation, try to focus on respecting your partner and hold back on commenting until the sentence is finished. Think about how your partner is supportive and makes you laugh.

3. Keep calm and breathe deeply

Self-comfort can be important so that you don't quickly give answers to your partner's stories. Try taking deep breaths to calm yourself down even more. Sometimes, doodling can help a little. But don't ignore it and stop listening.

4. Stick to yourself

Doctor Schnarch in Passionate Marriage advises couples to create a strong relationship with themselves. This is one way to embrace your own emotions so that you are calmer.

Quick reactions without being filtered in the brain or heart often hurt others, even your partner. A defensive attitude will also not make the relationship with your partner harmonious.

5. Avoid responding to partner complaints

Your partner's complaints are about their needs, not yours. This means that you need to remain calm and not respond to complaints from your partner whether it is related to what you are doing or not.

6. Ask your partner to repeat the sentence

If your partner says something that triggers you to get defensive, ask them to repeat what you just said. This method can help you to better understand and bring to the surface the hidden meaning of the words spoken by your partner.

7. Take a break

If you notice that you're having trouble focusing as a listener, ask your partner to take a break from the conversation. This proactive method is useful for calming yourself down and preventing emotional outbursts.

It should be understood that the conflict that each partner faces is beneficial for increasing mutual understanding and personal growth. That is, remain calm and wise when there is a conflict. Precisely by both facing conflict, closer connection and closeness can be created.