JAKARTA - In an instagrammable love life, you are often stuck on the perfect true love narrative. Where the couple should always be present, understand without having to be talked to, and be able to meet every inner need. However, what if the expectation is actually a burden that secretly destroys the relationship?
The latest article that VOI reported from the Psychology Today website, on Tuesday, December 23, invites you to reflect more deeply on the phenomenon. And describes how excessive emotional demands can be the main cause of emotional distance in a couple.
Becoming too emotionally dependent on a partner often stems from attachment patterns formed since childhood. When someone experiences loss or lack of secure attachment in the past, he or she may grow up with a great emotional need, demanding a constant presence of a partner to relieve anxiety or fear of being left. Ironically, the effort to avoid this loss can actually trigger demanding behavior that makes the partner feel constrained. Or depressed, so believe me, instead of getting closer, the relationship can actually get away.
In the dynamics of relationships, there is often a pattern in which one party acts as a "pursuer" (pursuer) who is always looking for closeness and time together. While the other party becomes a "distancer" (distancer) who needs space and personal autonomy. The tension between these two roles triggers feelings of rejection on the one hand and being disturbed on the other, driving the relationship into an endless cycle of emotional conflict. What is even more interesting is that this pattern is not always related to who "loves more", but more to how each individual regulates their own emotional needs.
Interestingly, in some clinical cases, therapists find that childhood background plays a big role in the dynamics. For example, losing a mother figure in early childhood can make a person develop with a sense of problematic attachment. He wants a substitute figure who can fill his emotional void, but at the same time is unable to give healthy space or boundaries to the figure. As a result, in romantic relationships, the effort to always be close actually disturbs the partner's need for personal space, thus triggering unnecessary conflicts.
This portrait seems to be a warning that love is not only about how much you love, but also about how you love wisely, respecting each other's needs, without losing your identity. Healthy love is love that gives space for two individuals to grow together, not restrain each other in unrealistic expectations. Because expecting too much from a partner is not only unfair, but also potentially the biggest reason for relationships that were once warm to become fragile.
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