Want Children To Be Successful And Tough? Avoid These 7 Dangerous Sentences

Illustration of parental parenting. (Freepic)

JAKARTA - Every parent wants their child to grow up happily and successfully. One of the best ways to make it happen is to introduce mental toughness from an early age.

Psychotherapyist Amy Morin said that mentally strong ones usually have high confidence, are easier to rise when facing challenges, keep thinking positively and be able to learn from failure.

Therefore, the choice of the word 'parent' when communicating with children is very important, especially when the situation is full of emotions and easy to make us say anything in order to stop tantrums or calm children's concerns. According to Morin, some sentences that sound normal can actually send wrong messages.

"All parents must have done or said these things," Morin told CNBC Make It.

"But this is also an opportunity to show children that we also learn from mistakes, can change, and do better things," he added.

Here are 7 sentences that parents who want to grow their children mentally strong should avoid.

1. Take care of it !

Ordering children to feel something is not the right move, although it means calming them down.

"We want to send a message that whatever you want, that's okay. But the important thing is how you manage it," said Morin.

Instead, try saying, 'It looks like you're very angry, huh'. Invite children to understand that feeling annoyed is natural, then help them find activities that can relieve emotions such as coloring, running outside, or listening to music.

2. Come on, don't worry.

Saying this doesn't just make worry disappear. Instead of telling children to stop thinking about something, Morin suggests inviting them to learn how to deal with worries.

For example, ask 'If your friend is worried about this, what will you tell him?'. Seeing the situation from another point of view, it usually makes children more rational. That way, they learn to give the same advice to themselves.

3. 'You can definitely do it!'

An optimistic tone is important, but no one can guarantee results. If parents promise their children that they will definitely succeed, then the results don't match expectations, it can make children lose confidence and doubt what their parents say in the future.

It's better to say, "Do your best. If later it doesn't go according to plan, it's okay. We can face it together".

4. 'Don't let mom/father see you do that again!'

This sentence usually appears out of frustration with the intention of helping children avoid bad or dangerous habits. But what happens is that children learn to hide mistakes so they don't get caught.

"They can use the glue to match the broken lights so you don't know, or throw away bad grades before you see them," said Morin.

Even though honesty is an opportunity for parents to help their children learn from mistakes. Try saying, "You may be tempted to do this again, and may want to hide it. But this is how we deal with it together".

5. You are the greatest!

There is nothing wrong with praising children. However, if children only feel worthy to be praised when they become the best, they can grow up to unrealistic and anxious standards if they are not number one.

In extreme cases, children can be encouraged to cheat in order to always be the best. Healthier if parents praise the process, such as hard work and their efforts, not the end result.

6. 'That's perfect!'

This sentence can also trigger perfectionism. Children who feel they have to always be perfect to get praise or love can be at risk of experiencing mental health problems such as anxiety or OCD.

Even simple comments like 'perfect image', can make children continue to burden themselves so they never make mistakes. Focus on your efforts by saying "you've worked hard,' or 'you keep rising even though you fell.'

7. You make mom/father angry.

Linking parents' feelings with their children's behavior can make their children feel irresponsible for their own actions. Worse, they can grow up to be children who like to blame others for their feelings, or manipulate others to get what they want.

"We want children to know that they have control over their own thoughts, feelings, and behavior," said Morin.

Try replacing it with "Mother/Father doesn't like your behavior, let's find a way so you can be better".