Understanding 11 Lies That Are Often Told To Stay In A Marriage Without Love

Illustration of Loveless Marriage (Yan Krukov/Pexels)

JAKARTA - Marriage should be a field of love, warmth, and togetherness that grows together. However, in reality, many couples feel the opposite way: they are trapped in a cold bond, without passion, without caring for each other.

According to an article released from YourTango, Tuesday, November 4, psychologists say that one of the main reasons they survive is because they continue to deceive themselves with 'smooth lies' that seem to justify their decision not to get out of a marriage that no longer brings happiness.

Let's review eleven expressions that are often repeated by those who have actually lost love in marriage, so that they become a mirror, inspiration, as well as a call for change.

Many people hold back the move because they feel 'age is no longer possible', 'children are already big', or 'when will it be if not now'. But in reality, as put forward in the article, whenever you are in a living stage, there is always an opportunity to choose happiness and knit a more meaningful life. Admitting this means opening the door to change, not just confined to a boring routine.

This sentence often appears with noble intentions: for the sake of child welfare. But relationship stakeholders say that children actually learn from their parents' relationship models and watching parents in loveless marriages can set a bad example for their lives in the future. So, good intentions can turn into a burden, both for themselves and for the next generation.

Fear of facing loneliness, or emotional dependence, forces a person to choose 'better together than alone' even when those with him do not bring happiness. The article states that if a person cannot be comfortable alone, then a relationship that should become togetherness of two mature individuals can become a 'scape' from loneliness. In fact, being a whole and independent human being becomes the foundation for a healthy relationship.

Often, to reduce anxiety or guilt for wanting to get out of a marriage, a person says in the heart: 'Yes, it's not ideal, but it's also not too bad.' But when you keep convincing yourself that 'yes can still be tolerated', you hit your own boundaries and suppressed the sound of true happiness wanting to emerge. Admitting that 'this is bad for me' doesn't mean giving up but being honest with yourself.

When a feeling of inferiority and search for validation is embedded, one may believe that he does not deserve a healthy happiness or love. The article says that identity, self-respect, and relationship unification is important and when that relationship actually weakens self-esteem, it's time to look back. Viewing yourself as undeserved is the greatest shackles.

When relationships have been going on for a long time and personal identities begin to blend with partners, enormous fears arise to lose existing security' even if it's just pseudo comfort. In a healthy relationship, each individual still has room to be himself, not disappear behind the word we. Restoring yourself does not mean being selfish but finding a foothold again.

Gaslighting or emotional manipulation can make a person feel only guilty, feeling that he is 'wrong'. Thus, he chooses to stay for fear of change means increasingly feeling 'unfeasible'. Feeling that my problem' could be the result of an unhealthy pattern in the dynamics of marriage. Pulling a healthy line between introspection and blaming yourself constantly is very important.

In romantic culture you often hear that love must be fought for but struggle does not always mean endless suffering. If what happens is that you continue to feel shackled without developing, then the so-called 'fight' has exceeded the healthy limit. Healthy relationships do require work, but when there is only one direction down then it is not love that is fought for, but self-sacred without results. Distinguishing between 'fight together' and 'fight alone' is key.

Sometimes, you get caught up in early euphoria, chemistry, habits, routines and then refuse to see that true compatibility includes values, vision, and mutual growth. The article says that many people who continue to live in loveless marriages believe that we are suitable when in reality their needs are ignored, their compromise is too great. The match is not just future together, but also growing together.

The past or happy moments can make you really miss and need a relationship by believing that 'later it will also be good'. But if ups and downs happen continuously without essential changes, then the moment of happiness is actually just an excuse to stay in happiness. A healthy relationship is not a roller-coaster that stops at the top every now and then can make you stuck in an unsatisfactory past.

This sentence is often sung as a calming hope, that this is just a difficult time'. But if there is no real improvement or communication, then we will pass it can turn into a deadlock to survive. A difficult phase is normal, but if there is no direction of change, then what you experience is not a phase, but a stagnation. Having hope it is healthy but only when accompanied by action.

Reading the eleven 'dusta' above may be striking. But awareness is the root of change. In the end, a healthy marriage is not a 'good enough' or 'long-lasting', but the two partners grow, are happy, and support each other.

If you or someone you know feels tired in a relationship without love it doesn't hurt to re-evaluate, speak honestly, and if necessary, look for a professional companion.

Because life is too valuable to live in the shadow of a lie that protects unhappy.