Not An Elite School, This Is The Key For Children To Be Successful And Smart According To Psychologists

Illustration of children achieving through education. (Pexels/Matheus Bertelli)

JAKARTA - Not a few parents think that providing the best education for their children should send them to expensive school or exclusive private tutoring. But according to Dr. Mary C. Murphy, a Stanford graduate psychologist, the secret of smart children is not always about luxury facilities or favorite schools.

The most important thing is how children are formed to have a crowd mindset, or a growing mindset. This is a perspective that makes children believe intelligence and ability can be improved through effort, perseverance, and learning from mistakes.

"When children believe that their abilities can develop, they become more open to challenges, are more daring to try, and not afraid of failure," said Dr. Mary Murphy, author of the book Cultures of Growth.

Growth mindset is a belief that ability is not fixed, but can be improved. On the other hand, fixed mindset makes a person feel that he is "smart" or "hot", and cannot change.

According to Dr. Murphy, helping children to use growth mindset more often can greatly affect their attitudes, motivation, and learning results. Here are 5 ways parents form their children smarter, as reported by CNBC Make It!

1. Tell the Story of Perseverance

Often children feel ashamed when they fail or experience difficulties, because they think adults always succeed without effort. A real story is a strong way to convey important lessons.

A mother said that her 8-year-old daughter tends to be a perfectionist. When he did not understand the lessons at school, he was immediately disappointed.

The mother then told that as a writer, she always had to go through many revisions and drafts before her work was finished. The child was shocked and relieved to learn that his mother had to work hard too.

Stories like these help children understand that every valuable thing usually requires struggle, especially at the start.

2. Discuss Favorite Errors

Children who have growth mindset are not afraid to make mistakes, because they see it as an opportunity to learn, not as a reflection of their abilities.

A teacher once made a big board that reads "my favorite mistake" in class. Each student has a story about the mistakes they made and the lessons they take.

Parents can apply the same thing at home, for example at dinner. Invite all family members to share the small mistakes they experienced that day, then what is the lesson.

It could be light and funny ("I shouldn't be wearing white clothes because of all the spilled lunch!"), or deeper ("Today I accidentally hurt my friends' feelings"). Through casual chats like this, children learn that mistakes are part of the learning process.

3. Remind Children To How Far They Are Advancing

Children sometimes focus too much on the failure they are experiencing, even forgetting that they had also faced challenges that they could finally overcome in the past.

If the child looks desperate, remind them, namely, "Do you remember how hard it was for you to learn to read? Now you can read your own storybook until it runs out!"

Show old tasks, photos, or videos while they are still learning to prove that the development is real and takes time. Children from childhood to adolescents are usually happy to remember the past and see the positive changes that have been achieved.

4. Ask what support is needed

Often children don't know how to ask for help, or don't realize that they need support. Try asking, "What challenges are you facing now?".

This question sends a message that everyone is struggling with something, and that's normal. Parents can also start by sharing what they're facing, so that their children feel comfortable opening up.

Growth mindset is not just a matter of telling children not to give up or try again. It's also about ensuring they have the support and resources needed to develop.

5. Make Learning Fun

Growing a growing mindset doesn't have to be a tough thing. Try to make fun family activities such as making a dialogue together, for example "Learning is cool! or "Let's grow together!".

When children see the process of learning and growing up as something fun, they are more motivated to try.