YOGYAKARTA Shame arises from the perception that they have done something inappropriate, disrespectful, or immoral. For those who experience it, they will try to hide so it is important to identify the cause of shame and type as well as how to overcome it.
Without shame, a person may be considered not to comply with cultural, legal, or behavioral norms in a social environment. By having shame, a person can and wants to be accepted. But there is a sense of shame that causes problems. This results in an over-judicial assessment of oneself as a whole person. It should be understood, how deep is the shame that is actually not related to the value and the mistakes that have been made. That is, why does a person feel ashamed?
According to psychiatrist Peter Breggin in his book Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety, shame is a reaction to several factors. For example feeling unappreciated, sensitive or worried about what other people think about you, feeling rejected, sorry, feeling incapable or unable to influence, afraid to look stupid, afraid to fail, or feel like an outside person. Before listening to how to deal with shame, recognize the following types of shame.
When feeling embarrassed, a person can respond in many ways. Like by getting angry, attacking other people to distract, to reacting impulsively and apologizing or calming down. To better recognize any kind of emotion, check this list.
Temporary shame refers to a glimpse of the feeling felt when making mistakes. Maybe this happens in a social environment and doesn't cause big problems. This temporary shame is beneficial because it helps pay attention to feedback from other people to improve themselves.
chronic shame is always present in oneself and makes a person feel not good enough. This type of shame can interfere with mental function and health.
Humiliation is one of the most intense forms of shame. The shame that is really felt when humiliated in front of others.
This kind of shame is often felt when you fail or lose. For example, if you lose a sporting match you hope will win.
Shame when you are around strangers, reflecting the feeling that they will find something wrong with you. This type of shame is driven by social anxiety.
Shame in front of other people is a form of shame related to feeling bad, insulted, or ugly. For example, because you are not confident in your appearance, so you feel ashamed in front of other people. It could also be because of love without replying, making mistakes in public, so that expectations are not fulfilled until exclusion.
The internalized shame refers to the shame that has been directed into oneself. For example, experienced by those who have previously received unpleasant treatment, harassment, and may make shame and worthless.
Called toxic shame or toxic shame, similar to the previous kind of shame. But toxic shame involves the idea that something is wrong with oneself. This kind of shame makes a person hide feelings and look perfect.
Make no mistake, there is also a healthy sense of shame. This type of shame is the last one, called healthy because it makes a person humble, can laugh at himself, and teaches healthy boundaries. It is important to understand that without the slightest shame, people will find it difficult to measure the impact of their behavior on others.
After recognizing the type of shame, here's how to deal with shame in general
Both trigger discomfort in themselves. But it's important to understand that shame and guilt are different. Shame is associated with avoiding failure and consequences. Launching VeryWellMind, Monday, July 29, while guilt is associated with forgiveness and self-improvement and atone for mistakes. By learning to separate guilt from shame, one has taken one step to reduce shame in general.
Pay attention to your emotions in various situations related to when shame occurs and is triggered by what and how you react. Then if it's difficult to identify it, write it down in a journal. This will lead to self-acceptance so that it can admit shame.
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A person needs a safe place to feel accepted and will give unconditional love. This can be family or close friends. By being in a safe place, a person is acceptable and not confined to toxic shame. What's more, a person can accept themselves.
Don't avoid shame, but talk about feelings in a place you think are safe. Let suffering be normalized and open up with some perspectives.
Shame is a complex human emotion so it is important to understand what causes or triggers. While how to overcome shame, requires self-care and acceptance. If shame affects mental conditions, a mental health professional can help you overcome it at the same time.
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