Good Girl Syndrome, Demands To Be Good But Not Happy

Illustration (Pexels-Pixabay)

JAKARTA - It is normal for parents to want their children to be kind. Since childhood, children have been taught to be kind, obedient, polite, friendly, caring for others, and not selfish.

However, children who are required to always be kind can also be depressed and experience good girl syndrome.

Characteristics of good girl syndrome are fear of disappointing others, fear of speaking out for fear of hurting others, must always excel, avoid conflict, obey rules, and also find it difficult to refuse.

On the one hand, all of these are certainly good things. However, on the other hand they are also pressured to do so.

A study by Stanford University reports that the most desirable adjectives to describe women are affectionate, warm, cheerful, soft-spoken, and loyal. These are all qualities of a good woman.

On the other hand, when participants of the same study were asked to list the desired adjectives for men, the result was independent, assertive, dominant, and assertive.

The researchers concluded that women are most desirable when they are gentle, and men when they are strong.

This study also shows that gender bias begins in childhood. Girls are guided to always behave well from childhood, focus and excel at school, then continue to be fun people at work.

From an early age, women are always required to try to look perfect and avoid receiving negative feedback.

Many parents want their children to be good people in order to be accepted in society. According to parents, this is the right way to reach goals by making others happy. However, this is what underlies good girl syndrome.

In the end, these children will experience difficulties, they always harbor emotions and find it difficult to comply with their own desires because they are required to make other people happy.

Doing this over and over again will have a negative impact on yourself. Because your own happiness becomes a victim.

You will become accustomed to obeying the wishes of others, not wanting to upset people, and seemingly protected from conflict and rejection. However, when things are just demands, it will be difficult for you to develop and fulfill your own desires. You continue to sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.

Good girl syndrome is a complicated condition, especially if it has been implanted since childhood. However, there is always a way to get out of trouble.

The way out of good girl syndrome is to start getting used to change and be brave. You need to say clearly what you want, dare to resist when you can't help others, stick to your principles, and treat others the way you want to be treated.

You can also ask for what you want and what you deserve. For example, in the world of work about working on a new project or a raise.

Research by the Harvard Business Review shows that only 7 percent of female MBA graduates attempt to negotiate their salary with their employer. Meanwhile, 57 percent of men negotiate.

This could be proof that you will not get what you don't want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. If you want to work on another project, promotion, or raise, ask and talk about supporting reasons.

Being a good person is a good thing, but you can't do it by force and torture yourself. Therefore, this is the time for you to dare to bring up your own character, change your mindset, and dare to act according to personal principles.