No Need To Argue, This Is How To Discuss With Your Partner In Solving Problems

Illustration (Yulia Polyakova / Pexels)

JAKARTA - It is normal if there are problems in a marriage or courtship relationship. So that it doesn't drag on, the most effective way is to talk or discuss to solve the problem. Unfortunately, because of very different emotions and thoughts, discussions between you and your partner more often end in an argument or fight.

According to Sarah Tie, consultant and owner of Winding Path Counseling, many couples talk in circles without getting into the real problem. This makes you lazy to try to discuss with your partner and instead just let the problem go unresolved. In fact, if the problem continues, it could lead to a bigger conflict in the future.

To prevent this, try applying some of these tips for discussing without fighting with your partner.

Control Your Emotions First

According to Sarah Tie, the very first thing before starting a discussion, couples must control each other's emotions first. Of course, you'll want to have an argument right away when a problem arises. But, if both of you are carried away by emotions, instead of getting a middle point, you and your partner are even more opposite. The reason is that your instincts perceive your partner as a threat, not a partner in solving this problem.

Sarah Tie said it was best to postpone the discussion until you both calmed down. Take time to process the problem until you are ready to talk to your partner about what you need.

Understand Your Needs

Use this quiet time to think carefully about the conflict. What is the problem, what causes it, why are you upset, and what do you want. That way, your logic becomes more at play than your emotions.

After understanding what you need, it means you have material to discuss. Prepare verbal and mental supplies to explain your needs to your partner. If everything is ready, then you can start talking to your partner.

Ask for Time for Discussion

Rachel Wright, psychotherapist and consultant at Mind Body Green recommends that you always ask your partner for permission before discussing certain issues. This needs to be done so that you are both ready and calm to find a solution.

When asking for time, it's also important to give a teaser about what you want to talk about, so your partner already has something to discuss. Rachel Wright also says that it's best to find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed by the presence of children or other work. This way, you can focus more on the conversation.

Specific and Uncomplicated

Of course there are many things that you want to express. However, Sarah Tie suggested to just keep the restless complaining and try to get to the point. If you are specific about certain things, it will be easier for your partner to understand your wishes. If it's complicated, then it's not only him who gets confused, you also forget what you want to talk about.

Sarah Tie also advises you to be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Even though you've been together for years, don't expect your partner to guess what you're thinking. You both need to open up to each other so that there are no more obstacles in the heart.

Appreciate His Opinion

Rachel Wright says that the hardest thing about having a conversation with a partner is lowering the ego. Everyone wants their opinions and wishes to be heard. If this continues, the discussion will never end. So, you and your partner need to learn to listen to and respect each other's opinions.

Rachel Wright also said to try a bargaining system in search of common ground. For example, you offer him to try his way in solving the problem. However, if that doesn't work, he's also willing to try your way.