When The Moment Is Right, Here Are 5 Ways To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

Illustration of how to forgive someone (Unsplash/Alex Shute)

YOGYAKARTA – Forgiving is not an easy matter, it will even be difficult if your feelings have been hurt. However, because the moment is right, you need to try to let go of all the mistakes that other people have made, including those who have hurt you.

Forgiveness is the ability to regain peace. Citing Stanford Magazine, Fred Luskin, Ph.D. says that to forgive is to let go of bad feelings or the desire for revenge after you have been hurt. While the best way to let go of grudges is to get a prosperous life and not be burdened with other people's mistakes in the past, right? That is, the following steps to forgive hopefully can help you expand your heart and feelings.

1. Recognize whether the anger felt is constructive or destructive

Anger can be constructive and destructive. When looking for a solution to a problem, if you are galvanized and get a solution so that it is constructive. But when anger is held in for too long and affects the physical health and the people around it, it is called destructive anger.

The effect of both on biological coping mechanisms is the same. That means it needs to be recognized, so it doesn't become a habit and is more of a learning process for the better.

Illustration of how to forgive someone (Unsplash/Chris Liverani)

2. Accept and make peace

To forgive can mean not to forgive. Due to the fact, you know other people do wrong but you choose to cleanse your heart. That way, you don't have to make excuses for it, just accept it and make peace.

3. Practice stress management techniques

Mistakes made by other people and harming you, of course, are not easy to pass. Even you need techniques to deal with stress. Luskin says it's one of the simplest things. That is, taking a breath to calm the fight-of-flight response so that the body remains calm and the mind awake.

4. Recall why you need the person who hurt you

When it's someone you care about that hurt you, but you want to maintain a good relationship, it's important to remember the good that that person has done in your life. Everyone has an irreplaceable role. Therefore, remind yourself that you have that person with all their strengths and weaknesses.

That doesn't mean you have to endure bad treatment. But understand that good relationships are fostered from an awareness to repair and forgive each other.

5. Set limits

Gentle boundary setting may be necessary when you have been hurt by someone you have a close relationship with. Learn how to say boundaries in simple terms, such as “with the treatment you just did, I don't feel fine”.

That way, negotiations on what can and can't be done will be formed. Boundaries also need to be made so as not to blame each other.

In addition to the five ways above, you need to realize that the past cannot be changed. What can reconcile your next life, is where your feet stand. That means, maturity, honesty, emotional toughness is needed to forgive someone who has hurt you.