7 Stages Of Gaslighting In A Relationship

Illustration (Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels)

JAKARTA - Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that is done by someone to another person so that the victim doubts himself and finally loses his perception, identity, and self-esteem. The term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that he is crazy by making her question himself and his reality.

Various studies and writings have tried to focus on the phenomenon of gaslighting and its destructive impact. Here are seven stages of gaslighting perpetrators dominating the victim, quoted from the book How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying, Wednesday, March 2.

Lying and exaggerating

Gaslighter creates negative narratives about victims based on generalized false assumptions and accusations, rather than verifiable objective facts, putting the victim on the defensive.

Likes to repeat

Like psychological warfare, falsehoods are repeated over and over again to stay on the offensive, control conversations, and dominate relationships.

Jump when challenged

When their lies are called out, the gaslighters will further escalate the dispute by multiplying their attacks, refuting the evidence with denial, blame, and more false claims, giving rise to doubt and confusion.

Weakening the victim

By continuing to attack, the gaslighter eventually weakens the victim who is hopeless, resigned, pessimistic, fearful, weak, and self-doubtful. Victims begin to question their own perceptions, identity and reality.

Make the victim dependent

The Oxford Dictionary defines codependency as excessive emotional or psychological dependence on a partner. In a gaslighting relationship, the gaslighter often creates a sense of insecurity and constant anxiety in the victim. Gaslighter has the power to provide acceptance, approval, respect, safety and security. Gaslighters also have the power to threaten. This codependent relationship is formed based on fear, vulnerability, and marginalization.

Giving false hope

As a manipulative tactic, the gaslighter will sometimes treat the victim gently and kindly or show remorse to give the victim false hope. In this situation, the victim may think: "Maybe he really isn't that bad," "Maybe things will get better," or "Let's give it a chance."

But be careful! Temporary gentleness is often a maneuver performed to catch the victim off guard before the next gaslighting action begins. With this tactic, the gaslighter also further strengthens the codependent relationship.

Domination and Control

The ultimate goal of gaslighting is to control, dominate, and take advantage of other individuals, groups, or even entire societies. By sustaining and intensifying an incessant stream of lies and coercion, the gaslighter leaves the victim in a constant state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The Gaslighter then exploits the victim at will to increase their power and personal gain.