Knowing Big-Sibling Blues, Here's How To Overcome A Jealousy Between Elder-Younger Siblings

Illustration of how to deal with a jealousy between elder-younger siblings (Unsplash/Edward Cisneros)

JAKARTA – Regardless of the age of the eldest, jealousy is present when the younger sibling is born, it is a natural and normal feeling. Many parents feel this and of course, feeling worried. To overcome this, identify the term known as the big-sibling blues and how to prevent the eldest from feeling jealous, sad, or even annoyed.

According to Fran Walfish, Psy.D., author of The Self-Aware Parent, every child needs enough love from their mother for themselves. As reported by Parents, Wednesday, December 1, two years is enough to give you love before having a sibling. Anything less than that can increase sibling jealousy and a refusal to accept the younger sibling as a full-fledged member of the family.

Quoting from the National Childbirth Trust page, there are ways to deal with when the eldest feels jealous after the younger sibling is born.

1. Involve the eldest

When the eldest is under five years of age but is more independent, he or she will enjoy having chores and feeling part of the activities at home. For example, you could ask your eldest brother to get his sister's bottle.

In doing activities that involve your eldest child, you will need to guide them as your child's interpretation of a situation may not be accurate. It means to explain gradually, consistently, and continuously.

Illustration of big-sibling blues, brother jealous of sister (Unsplash/Edward Cisneros)

2. Put the eldest first

Jealousy is present because the treatment is differentiated or seconded. So, it is necessary to pay more attention to the eldest brother and make it a priority. You can alternate with your partner to give your eldest full attention.

3. Acknowledge their point of view

Parents who develop open and participatory communication with their children can help children to manage stress well. For example, by acknowledging his point of view and occasionally thanking him when he can understand a 'new' situation after his sister was born.

4. Be prepared with all the eldest's protest attitude

One study found 46 percent of children said they had been the victim of sibling aggression. While 35.6 percent admitted that they had been aggressive towards their sibling.

The eldest child may throw a toy at his sibling, pinch him, or hit him. Hold on, lest you scream loudly at big brother. Because, the aggression he did was his main goal. Suggestions, positive parenting, and good relationships in the family reduce the level of aggression.

You could try the oldest child to talk about the anger or jealousy they feel toward their younger sibling. These feelings are normal, and it's better for them to talk about them than to hold them back.

5. Avoid comparing each other

Comparing the eldest to the youngest, for example, will hurt his feelings. Even if you are tired and stressed, never be tempted to compare one another.

Since the quality of parent-child relationships in the home can affect cognitive and socio-emotional development for preschool children, it is necessary to build closeness with the oldest child. Make a schedule for just the two of them and they feel better about their feelings for the youngest sibling.

In addition, it also builds the closeness of how much the sister likes her brother. Like saying "Look how much they love you" or "I'm proud to have a brother who is good at riding a bicycle."

These sentences make your older child feel like they are really involved in making their younger sibling happy.

The big-sibling blues won't last forever. When they find out, they will become best friends. Especially with warm, authoritative, and responsive parenting can help children manage stress and increase their self-confidence.